Saturday, February 25, 2006

Rainman scores 20 points, babes


There are good stories, feel-good stories, and now this, which tops 'em all. (A few days late, of course).

Jason McElwain, a senior and huge basketball fan who suffers from autism, has served as the team manager for Greece Athena High School in New York for the last four seasons. Because the kid liked basketball so much, he would pass out towels, juice boxes and orange slices to the actual players. Coach Jim Johnson, the noble fellow he is, decided to dress McElwain in a uniform for the team's last game with the thought that maybe he could get McElwain a minute or so of playing time on Senior Night.

Well, it happened and McElwain lit it up. In four minutes of action, he went 6-10 from three-point land and finished with 20 points. The players, fans and probably the other team were going fucking nuts. After the game was over, the students stormed the court and McElwain was carried off the floor on his teammates' shoulders like the true winner he is.

This is absolutely unbelievable! Not only is this more touching than a handjob, but what the fuck is the kid doing shooting 10 3's in four minutes? Isiah Thomas could use his services.

But let's not take anything away from this guy. This is better than anything Hollywood could possibly come up with. The sexual background of McElwain is not known, but we'll assume -- for our sake and for his -- that the kid got laid after his unforgettable performance.

In other news: Sources say Miami Dolphins coach Nick Saban is offering his support to Ricky Williams because he is trying to hook up with Williams' dealer.

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