Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Mother beats the shit out of polar bear

IVUJIVIK, Quebec — Lydia Angyiou, a woman, mother and Canadien, just kicked the shit out of a polar bear.

Apparently some polar bear was "sizing up" her son (like to eat him, not mate with him) when Angyiou decided to take matters into her own hands and go all Bruce Lee on this poor polar bear.

According to the terribly written story, Angyiou told the children who were playing hockey in the street to run for the hills, and then raced around to get between the bear and her son. Then she started kicking and punching the animal.

(Somewhat relevant aside: we're not sure if the writer of this story, Paul Waldie, is half-retarded or just Canadian, but we'll figure that it's a combination of both. Read the story and drop off a comment telling us your thoughts on the author's troubled background).

The woman apparently took some licks from the bear, but she somehow persevered and made it out in one piece. It's not certain whether or not either the bear or woman lost control of their respective bowels and shat all over themselves -- a la Grizzly Man -- but to lighten the mood, let's just assume they did.

This is fucking savage on far too many levels to possibly elaborate. Guess this is the kind of stuff that goes down when you live in rural Canada. The name of the city, by the way, is not a typo.

We're not exactly sure what makes this a sports story, but picked it up, so we thought, "why the hell not?"

Eventually some of the town folk shot and killed the bear, so we think bears everywhere, including those in Chicago, are out for revenge. Watch out Ivujivik, Quebec.

This post was brought to you by Paul Waldie: coming up with horribly written stories one polar bear at a time.


JMC said...

I'm gonna say his IQ is somewhere around 85 - on the looowwww end of the "average" range - a solid 16th percentile. Definitely Canadian. Flapping head, beady eyes, all that. He probably added "eh?" to the end of about 16 sentences but they were mercifully removed by his editor.

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