Friday, October 17, 2008

Pre-gaming: Asses are Burning

[Editor's note: This will be a regular Friday feature at PlayboyU. It's molded after BDD's Jamboroo.]

That wonderful graph, which greatly resembles the current state of the economy/stock market/financial situation/housing market/the Washington Huskies' season, is from Chris Mottram at The Sporting Blog, who knew long before I that Clemson's Tommy Bowden was a lame duck.

Bowden, who was canned as Clemson's football coach Monday after nine-plus seasons, eight bowl appearances and zero ACC titles, was great at turning a preseason contender (this year, ranked No. 9 and the favorite to win the ACC) into a middle-of-the-road, 8-4, 7-5 kind of team.

Bowden technically resigned and Tigers AD Terry Don Phillips said, "There wasn't a gun to his head."

However, my guess is that there was a knife to Bowden's throat, his Gatorade was poisoned and he was strapped with explosives. But, yeah, no gun to his head.

Dabo Swinney will be the Tigers interim coach. I wouldn't name a kid Dabo. That's mean. The name couldn't have been good for him when he was in grade school.

Bowden is the first coach at a major program to be fired this season, but some could follow soon and others will exit at season's end.

Other coaches whose asses are on fire include:

Phillip Fulmer, Tennessee
Ty Willingham, Washington
Tommy Tuberville, Auburn
Ty Willingham, Washington
Ty Willingham, Washington
Mike Sherman, Texas A&M
Ty Willingham, Washington
Greg Robinson, Syracuse
Phillip Fulmer, Tennessee
Phillip Fulmer, Tennessee

(Fulmer and Willingham, by the way, are on the hot seat. Thought I should inform you. See a comprehensive list of coaches on the hot seat here).

Whose job will be jeopardized Saturday?

Games broken down on a one-to-four-bunny scale:

Four bunnies means:
"Do not go out. Do not have sex. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it."

Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If sex is an option, absolutely do not turn it down. Do it twice. But unless you're knockin' boots, watch these games."

Two bunnies means:
Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.

One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. Porn doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.

Game on. All times Eastern.

No. 11 Missouri at No. 1 Texas, 8 p.m., ABC: Texas' schedule is harder than a fresh-faced 18-year-old getting his first lap dance. Jeez. This thing just doesn't ease up. The Missouri team that lost last week to an over-achieving Oklahoma State is not the same Tigers squad we'll see Saturday. Chase Daniel's Heisman chances dropped like the stock market, but he'll be back. Texas, though, is very, very good. But don't ever name a child Colt. That's mean. If they can name a kid Colt, I'm calling a kid Barbaro. Texas 38, Missouri 34.

No. 12 Ohio State at No. 20 Michigan State , 3:30 p.m., ABC: Here's Ohio State's chance to get back in some BCS discussion (Buckeyes will still need to beat Penn State on Oct. 25). Michigan State has been playing very well since a tough season-opening loss at Cal. Javon Ringer is among the country's best running backs and Ohio State, ew, I guess that Pryor kid is exciting. That might be the first time I've ever typed "Ohio State" and "exciting" in the same sentence. Ohio State 20, Michigan State 14.

No. 16 Kansas at No. 4 Oklahoma, 3:30 p.m., ABC. It's like the Big 12 is the new SEC with multiple top-25 matchups every week. Don't think this one will be close, though. Oklahoma 38, Kansas 24.

No. 22 Vanderbilt at No. 10 Georgia, 12:30 p.m., Gameplan: Weak slate of games in the SEC this week. Not too often does the top game involve Vanderbilt or does any game of significance, for that matter. But just when I started to get excited that Vanderbilt was winning football games, they go out and lose to a hapless Mississippi State squad. Darn. Georgia 24, Vandy 10.

No. 21 Wake Forest at Maryland, noon, Gameplan:
The good: Maryland beat Cal and Clemson. The bad: Maryland lost to Middle Tennessee State and got shutout by Virginia. Hey, maybe the strange trend continues. Maryland 24, Wake Forest 17.

Mississippi at No. 2 Alabama, 3:30 p.m., CBS.
Michigan at No. 3 Penn State, 4:30 p.m., ESPN.

Tailgate Beverage of the Week:


This alcoholic energy drink should probably be called the "Heart Attack." Somewhere, somehow, I got the impression that mixing uppers and downers wasn't a very good idea.

But if you want to roll the dice, I strongly recommend the lemon lime flavor, pictured on the right. It's stronger, prettier and tastes more like sugar than battery acid. Perfect for game day and the caffeine will take you right into Sunday's NFL slate!

Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:

"@kjxpYxaw;/Rw,nc" (Use the run to set up the pass).

Bet It Hard:

The game you should bet your paycheck on.

No. 6 USC (-42.5) at Washington State. Until Washington State plays like a team that puts 11 guys on the field at one time, I'm picking against them -- even as a six-touchdown underdog.

2008 Bet It Hard Record: 3-0. (All picks against WSU).

Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:

Lyle Moevao, QB, Oregon State.

I've never met Lyle Moevao. Sure, he's better looking, better at football, and bangs better (and more) women. Just for that, I want to hang him with a fucking jump rope. (But that goes for just about every athlete, entertainer or celebrity).

But Moevao grinds my fucking gears because he has made me look like a fucking moron.

I had the chance to draft Moevao in one of the middle rounds of my Pac-10 fantasy league draft. But thinking Oregon State was mediocre and last year's starter Sean Canfield was back, Moevao would platoon at best.

So I drafted Tavita Pritchard of Stanford to play QB. Pritchard was the hero in the Cardinal's shocking win over USC last season and he was a young talent in the pass-happy Pac-10. (Or what used to be the pass-happy Pac-10).

Bad. Fucking. Move.

Moevao has thrown for nearly 1,600 yards and has 14 total TDs.

Pritchard has thrown for nearly 1,000 yards and has eight total TDs.

Start sucking, Lyle. (I also wouldn't name a kid Lyle. That's almost as mean as Dabo).

Playboy Babe of the Week:

March, 2004 Cybergirl Melissa Puente.

Yum. Thought I needed a little diversity in this spot.

Boner-popping photos here (NSFW! Or look at porn at work. See what I care. I'm looking at porn right now and I'm working. So there.)

College football and Playboy. What could be better? Enjoy the games, friends.


Mark said...

She's smoking! Looks kinda of like Kathrine McPhee.

JMC said...

think those are real? riiiiiight

JMC said...

also, TILT! I fucking love it! Let's tilt it up this weekend!

GMoney said...

Is Tilt the same thing as Sparks???

She's definitely hotter than Tito Puente.

JMC said...

tilt and sparks are fairly similar. they are both essentially battery acid that gets you drunk and hopped up on caffeine at the same time. It's our belief that a lime tilt tastes a little better than a sparks. But honestly, I could go either way. They're great to start off the night when you're feeling tired and you're not sure how long you can party for.

Bazooka Jones said...

I shoulda bet it hard as you said. Damn, USC!

I also shoulda bet on my Terps... The strange trend did continue in MD. I was in the press box for the game... And we won by a little more than the predicted 7.
But good call, after last week I expected to be on the other end of the score.

Anonymous said...

i want to fuck all white woman and get them pregnant and leave them. especially this dumb bitch.

Anonymous said...

The best place [url=]buy viagra online[/url] !

Anonymous said...

cool websites

Anonymous said...

Top Internet sites
[url=]funny picture adult o[/url]
[url=]anime sensitive pornography m[/url]
[url=]anime nurse midnight x[/url]
[url=]gallery on anime map i[/url]
[url=]anime irc lunar map x[/url]
[url=]masturbation gallery hand map U[/url]
[url=]anime 4 ever 942[/url]

We will not miss you

Anonymous said...

wow gold
wow gold
[url=]wow gold[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hi all
I'm Mary, 27 years old :)
I am looking for good man. If he exists...
I'm love sport and... Hope you understand

[img][/img] is very interesting forum for me, so I think we have the same hobbies
So lets chat...
My e-mail is, Skype *
Send me your foto!

Added later:

This photography is corrupted, sorry!

Oh, and all my photos here:

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online can you buy tramadol in the usa - buy tramadol online from usa

Anonymous said...

order soma online soma online discount code - is the muscle relaxer soma addictive

Anonymous said...

buy soma online soma quill adapter - soma san diego age limit

Anonymous said...

buy soma online salzarex generic soma - soma special order services

Anonymous said...

buy generic soma soma dot drug test - aura soma 99

Anonymous said...

generic soma cheap soma online no prescription - soma vanishing edge bras

Anonymous said...

order soma soma yoga highland park - soma bra

Anonymous said...

buy soma soma allure bras - purchase somatropin online

Anonymous said...

cheap cialis online buy cheap cialis no prescription - buy cialis with paypal

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online buy cialis online from us - buy cialis online pay with paypal

Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol no prescription order tramadol online 100mg - tramadol dosage dogs 50mg

Anonymous said...

corey and corey groups ebook camilleri ebook [url=]phone ebook reader[/url] ebook bookshelf

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50 mg tramadol 50 mg get you high - tramadol hcl 50mg 319

Anonymous said...

percy jackson the last olympians ebook german sheperd ebook ken's guide to the bible ebook bridge to terabithia ebook

Anonymous said...

making the best of basics ebook fa ebook bruce fogle ebook dog free ebook library online

Anonymous said...

xanax online xanax for anxiety and sleep - generic xanax 0.5mg

Anonymous said...

buy xanax without prescriptions generic xanax 3mg pills - difference xanax xanax bars

Anonymous said...

xanax online xanax bars called - xanax orange pill 029

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol buy tramadol online pharmacy - tramadol withdrawal klonopin

Anonymous said...

tramadol no rx clorhidrato de tramadol 100mg - tramadol 100 mg sr

Anonymous said...

buy xanax online no prescription best website buy xanax online - order xanax from pakistan

Anonymous said...

xanax online xanax xr buy online - xanax withdrawal day 5

Anonymous said...

generic xanax generic xanax 0.5mg - xanax drug price

Anonymous said...

xanax pills cheap 2mg xanax bars - xanax erectile dysfunction

Anonymous said...

generic xanax order xanax online overnight - xanax effects yahoo answers

Anonymous said...

generic xanax xanax recreational use - xanax xr generic

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol generic for tramadol hcl - tramadol 93 58 side effects

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol order tramadol cod overnight delivery - buy tramadol online us pharmacy

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online buy cialis online no prescription - where to buy cialis 200mg

Anonymous said...

alprazolam 0.5mg buy xanax 1mg - xanax dosage dosage

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online cialis daily use does work - generic cialis thailand

Anonymous said...

cialis online where can i buy cialis cheap - cialis free sample coupon

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol 50mg dosage for adults - tramadol 50 mg for humans

Anonymous said... tramadol overdose reversal - buy tramadol online echeck

Anonymous said...

buy klonopin online how long does klonopin 2mg last - what's the klonopin high like

Anonymous said...

learn how to buy tramdadol tramadol 50 mg price street - tramadol for dogs with kidney disease

Anonymous said... buy klonopin with mastercard - buy klonopin online with mastercard

Anonymous said...

learn how to buy tramdadol tramadol 50 mg buy online - break tramadol addiction

Anonymous said... klonopin generic side effects - took 2mg klonopin

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online buy tramadol online from usa - tramadol legal high

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg carisoprodol dosage high - carisoprodol pharmacy

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg generic brand carisoprodol - carisoprodol wp 5901

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg side effects soma carisoprodol tablets - what is carisoprodol 350 mg for

Anonymous said...

Top paphos car hire companies offer you and save on
your hiring cost.

Also visit my blog post Car Hire Paphos cyprus