Thursday, September 25, 2008

What Realy Grinds My Gears


You Know What Really Grinds My Gears (named after the segment on Family Guy, of course) is a new feature that will run whenever the fuck we want it to...but usually on a slow news day. It will focus on those pet peeves that, well, really grind your gears. It likely won't be sports-related. Fuck sports. This isn't a sports blog anyway...Oh. Right. Um, yeah, we'll see about making them sports-related. If you have any suggestions -- or would even like to guest write one! -- send your submissions to zachls5@gmail.com or Ballhype us or something Internet-y like that.

You know what really grinds my gears?

Stop signs.

Fuck that. Fuck stop and go. Fuck you for killing my gas mileage. Fuck having to look both ways.

Stop signs should be a suggestion. Like, "It'd probably be a good idea if you stop or even slow down to consider the other friendly drivers on the road. But if you don't want to, that's fine too."

Say you're in suburbia and come to a four-way stop. You can see that there are no cars to your right. There are no cars to your left. And there are certainly no cars straight ahead. Nevertheless, I'm supposed to stop?! For what? The fucking air?

Stop signs make sense on a busy road where a traffic light would be superfluous. Makes sense. Sure, good to regulate traffic safety.

But when there's no one at a four-way stop and you're sure of it, you should be able to blast through that intersection. And if you feel the urge to slow down, do it. Live a little. But screw stopping. Roll that shit like a joint.

I roll stop signs more often than I masturbate and I'm masturbating right now. And I gotta start being careful. The police will pop you for that. You're more likely to get caught in America for rolling a stop sign than you are for rolling a blunt. Seems backwards. (But maybe that's a good thing! Snoochies!)

So next time you have to stop at a stop sign, wear down your breaks and decrease your gas efficiency, think about this post. Maybe change will come. Maybe. Stay strong, America.

And that, people, is what really grinds my gears.

5 comments:

rstiles said...

Zach
You know what really sucks about stop signs is if you have to rush home to take a good dump, but the stop signs slow you down...finally when you get home, the urge is gone...

Stop signs suck!

JMC said...

I got a ticket once after rolling through a stop sign. That was horrible. I stop for like 10 seconds every time I go through that intersection now.

GMoney said...

I never stop at stop signs which is why those elementary school kids now serve as my hood ornament.

Bokolis said...

I wish I had the gears to grind. Having driven stick for the last 12 years, I had no such issues with having to hit the brakes...downshift and creep. I bought an automatic about a month ago and have been rolling through stop signs ever since. It's infuriating to no end and a minor miracle that I haven't T-boned or rear-ended anyone.

I'd much rather suffer through traffic jams with stick than have to break for stop signs.

Ryan said...

I agree with rstiles. That sucks.