You Know What Really Grinds My Gears (named after the segment on Family Guy, of course) is a new feature that will run whenever the fuck we want it to...but usually on a slow news day. It will focus on those pet peeves that, well, really grind your gears. It likely won't be sports-related. Fuck sports. This isn't a sports blog anyway...Oh. Right. Um, yeah, we'll see about making them sports-related. If you have any suggestions -- or would even like to guest write one! -- send your submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org or Ballhype us or something Internet-y like that.
You know what really grinds my gears?
Stop signs should be a suggestion. Like, "It'd probably be a good idea if you stop or even slow down to consider the other friendly drivers on the road. But if you don't want to, that's fine too."
Say you're in suburbia and come to a four-way stop. You can see that there are no cars to your right. There are no cars to your left. And there are certainly no cars straight ahead. Nevertheless, I'm supposed to stop?! For what? The fucking air?
But when there's no one at a four-way stop and you're sure of it, you should be able to blast through that intersection. And if you feel the urge to slow down, do it. Live a little. But screw stopping. Roll that shit like a joint.
I roll stop signs more often than I masturbate and I'm masturbating right now. And I gotta start being careful. The police will pop you for that. You're more likely to get caught in America for rolling a stop sign than you are for rolling a blunt. Seems backwards. (But maybe that's a good thing! Snoochies!)
So next time you have to stop at a stop sign, wear down your breaks and decrease your gas efficiency, think about this post. Maybe change will come. Maybe. Stay strong, America.