[Editor's note: This will be a regular Friday feature at PlayboyU. It's molded after BDD's Jamboroo.]
That's a picture of some University of Virginia students, courtesy of this fun SI On Campus article, prior to what was likely a home football loss to another mediocre ACC school. Big Picture super commenter and contributor JMC, a UVA alum (with a Master's from UW -- go Dawgs!), was the first to inform me about this great tradition.
It used to be tradition for UVA students to dress up before home games. Guys would do the shirt and tie thing while the girls went with sundresses. The tradition has deteriorated with coach Al Groh trying to get the students to wear a "Sea of Orange," but that had mixed reviews and now students just aren't really sure what to do.
Those who honor tradition still rock the shirt and tie or sundress, which I think is the best attire for a college football game. To dress up for a football game -- especially in the South -- just strikes me as the perfect game-day garb. The guys look cool (add a backwards hat, boat shoes sans socks and khakis and you have the perfect East Coast frat boy look -- a look I try to replicate far too seldom) and the ladies, well, if you could see them wearing a sundress or jersey, what would you prefer? A no-brainer, right?
(I should note that UVA is not the only school with this great tradition. I wanna say Clemson, Auburn and some others have this, too. Let me know who I'm missing in the comments).
That leads us to more common football attire, which I'll break into three groups:
1. School spirit.
Usually, it's a mishmash of jerseys, hoodies and t-shirts all in your school's colors. Fine. That's what we did for four years. Got very comfortable in purple. Absolutely nothing wrong with donning the school colors. Not particularly exciting, but totally legit.
2. The Chest-Painters.
A desperate cry for attention, the Chest-Painter sometimes risks weather factors to paint his chest for the world to see. Often, like in the photo above, it has something clever written -- like the name of the school. But, hey, you're bound to make it onto the jumbo-tron, which, for the Chest-Painter, is more important than the outcome of the game.
So that's how you spell Texas.
3. The Hot Chicks.
Then there are the girls who got dolled up, wear skimpy clothes and pretend that they know what's going on. Jenn Sterger is the best example.
Much like the Chest-Painter, the Hot Chicks are there to grab the attention of students, alumni and perhaps even the players. Again, the main objective is camera time and turning some heads. But unlike the Chest-Painters, I'm all about the Hot Chicks, because, well, they're freakin' hot!
So who's wearing what during Saturday's games? Games which I'll break down on a one-to-four bunny scale of watch-ability.
Four bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not have sex. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it.
Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If sex is an option, absolutely do not turn it down. Do it twice. But unless you're knockin' boots, watch these games.
Two bunnies means: Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.
One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. Porn doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.
Here we go. All times Eastern.
No. 8 Alabama at No. 3 Georgia, 7:45 p.m., ESPN: Just another top-10 game in the unbelievable SEC. Sanford Stadium will be blacked out, which is one of those things that gives the home team an extra umph for no real reason. Georgia looked good against an average Arizona State team while Alabama has looked good all year. Nick Saban: Asshole. Sellout. Coach of the Year? Alabama 21, Georgia 20.
No. 22 Illinois at No. 12 Penn State, 8 p.m., ABC: I constantly talk about my distaste for the Big 10 and how much Penn State's offense has infuriated me the last few years, but those complaints are no longer valid. Penn State is putting up points. Juice Williams has the best first name in college football. Happy Valley is the best name of a college area. This sounds that I like the Big 10. Don't fool yourselves... Penn State 31, Illinois 21.
Tennessee at No. 15 Auburn, 3:30 p.m., CBS: If Phil Fulmer isn't already fucked, he will be when the Vols look pathetic for a second-straight week. And we should expect another press-conference gem like this one:
"We’ve won 148 football games in my time here at Tennessee and lost a little bit less than that -- a lot less than that, actually -- and we didn’t all of a sudden get stupid as coaches."As the guys at Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain would say, Fulmer's stupidity was more gradual. Like hair loss or back problems. Auburn 13, Tennessee 2.
No. 24 TCU at No. 2 Oklahoma, 7 p.m., FSN?: In a week with only one marquee game, you'd think that a game between two ranked teams could at least hit three-bunny status. But while the Mountain West is probably better than the ACC, Big East and Pac-10, I just don't see TCU staying within three touchdowns of an Oklahoma team which has been nothing short of impressive. Oklahoma 48, TCU 21.
No. 9 Wisconsin at Michigan, 3:30 p.m., ABC: Michigan is fucking terrible and Rich Rodriguez is learning the hard way that his spread option offense requires talent and speed to be successful. Still, anytime Wisconsin goes to the Big House, it's bound to be an old-fashioned, Big-10 slugfest, which is a euphemism for a really boring game with like 110 combined rushing attempts and less than 30 points. Wisconsin 14, Michigan 9.
No. 13 South Florida at North Carolina State, 7:30 p.m., ESPN U.
Colorado at Florida State, 3:30 p.m., ABC.
Virginia Tech at Nebraska, 8 p.m., ABC: This game would've been relevant in 1999. Now, one-bunny status. How quickly some teams can fall. Nebraska 21, Virginia Tech 10.
No. 25 Fresno State at UCLA, 3:30 p.m., ABC.
Arkansas at No. 7 Texas, 3:30 p.m., ABC.
North Carolina at Miami, 12 p.m., ESPN 2.
Tailgate Beverage of the Week:
1/2 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Rum
1/2 oz Tequila
1/2 oz Gin
1/2 oz Blue Curacao
2 oz Sour mix
2 oz 7-Up
Don't worry that it's fucking turquoise. It's not a girls-only drink. It's totally cool for dudes, too.
Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:
"Xwoiljsaaei@b;o]wpm#je" (If you aren't bruised, you aren't playing).
Bet It Hard:
The game you should bet your paycheck on.
Oregon (-21.5) at Washington State. Oregon is coming off a loss and is without starting QB Justin Roper for the second-straight week. Still, 21.5 points should be plenty for the Ducks. Washington State is beyond awful and is starting backup QB Marshall Lobbestael. If the Cougs can score 10 points we'd be shocked. So if the Ducks can put up 34, they should be solid. Bet it and bet it hard. Did we mention that Wazzu is fucking terrible? Like just awful. De La Salle could fuck them up.
Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:
I play in a Pac-10-only fantasy league at work. In a weak conference, the 10 players in the league have some pretty lousy players on their team.
The player I want to hang with a fucking jump rope this week is Stanford quarterback Tavita Pritchard, my starting QB.
Pritchard, who is actually from the Seattle area, is one of the most mind-fuckingly bad players I've ever seen. I could play quarterback better than him. He's the kind of guy who plays those arcade football toss games where you try to throw a football through a different sized circles and earn tickets that you cash in for prizes that cost about $.001 to make. And when he plays those games, with the best defense being the net enclosing the game, he still can't hit his fucking target.
Through four games, he's thrown for 469 yards and one TD to four INTs. Helen Keller would be more effective for the Cardinal.
Playboy Babe of the Week:
Employee of the Month, Amanda Pogrell.
OMG! I've met my first ex-wife. What the fuck? This is unfair. No chick should be this hot. I would do things to her.
More sorta-safe-for-work photos here.
College football and Playboy. What could be better? Enjoy the games, friends.