Big Picture Categories: Final Four teams

King's Cup might be the best drinking game out there. Everyone has their own version, there's ample drinking and sometimes -- on a few lucky occasions -- hot chicks end up naked. One of the best "games" in King's Cup is Categories, which often is represented by the Jack card. In Categories, the person who draws the card says a category (fast food joints, baseball stadiums, etc.) and everyone must go around the circle naming one until somebody stumbles. When that person fucks up, they drink. Make sense? Good.

We're 10 days until March, which is arguably the best sports month of the year. College hoops, baseball, college hoops. Nets will be getting cut down and courts stormed sooner than you think. We're close to tourney time and we don't feel we've addressed the college game nearly enough around here.

So let's get in the mood of March Madness with some tournament-related categories. Today's game is naming every Final Four team in the history of the Big Dance. We'll start and you guys continue in the comments. You can go again after every five comments. One -- one! -- answer per comment, assbags. First person to blow it gets to take a body shot off of Coach K.

We'll start a great one: George Mason.

Let's go, tourney fans. Make it happen in the comments.

Beavers talk big, get pounded

Things are tough these days for Oregon State. The Beavers are 6-19, 0-13 in the Pac-10 and have lost 15 straight games. OSU's already on its second coach of the season and the Beavs are the only "freebie" in the loaded Pac-10.

To make matters worse, Oregon State went beyond trash talking prior to Saturday's game with Washington.

It began Friday when OSU senior forward Marcel Jones and freshman center Sean Carter led a contingent of about five Beavers onto the court at the end of UW's practice, with Jones boasting, "Don't let our record fool you."

According to several UW players, coaches and others in the traveling party, the tensions didn't end there.

Washington players and coaches said a Beavers player, who several identified as Jones, left a voice message for Huskies guard Joel Smith, asking UW players to come to the parking lot of the hotel where Washington was staying, and fight.

Oh, good. An arranged fight. Where are the Jets and Sharks when you need them?

The Huskies did not take up Jones' tempting offer to duke it out like in a teen drama. They did beat the Beavers by nearly 40, though.

Pettitte: 'I'm sorry'

I'm sorry I took steroids.

I'm sorry I ate the last cookie.

I'm sorry I told you the tooth fairy isn't real.

I'm sorry I left the toilet seat up.

I'm sorry I inhaled in high school.

I'm sorry I looked at Jeter in the shower.

I'm sorry I used sage instead of saffron in the rice.

I'm sorry I charged that hotel porn to A-Rod's room.

I'm sorry Clemens and I got loaded and set some beavers loose in the furniture store.

I'm sorry I lost those five playoff games.

I'm sorry I went to the National League.

I'm sorry about the beef recall.

I'm sorry I used to stay up late at night when I was 12 and try to make out the boobs in between the squiggly lines.

I'm sorry I called our Boy Scout leader a homo.

I'm sorry I dragged you to see Death Becomes Her.

I'm sorry I ate the chili from 7-Eleven.

I'm sorry I got caught.

Clearly, our tastes differ

Over the slow weekend -- holy hell, were there any good sporting events?!? -- we finally got around to compiling the "Would you do..." Round 3 Standings, now conveniently located on the right sidebar.

We're 10 deep in to the next round and the next tourney should be lining up nicely with the other March Madness.

When putting the standings together, we realized that for how great your comments are and how much we appreciate your votes in the polls, you all are fucking nuts!

Only 4% said no to Cavs Girl Amanda. To an extent we could understand that most readers of a sports blog would happily nail this busty cheerleader. But comparatively, it doesn't make a ton of sense.

For example, Meghan Vasconcellos, who was carved from an angel, got many more "no" votes than Amanda.

And then there are Texans twins Marisa and Larisa, who, while twins, are perhaps the most homely looking cheerleaders in the history of Texas and cheering. Yet they're only a hair behind Vasconcellos.

And currently in last place? A fucking pornstar! Nearly half of you guys said you wouldn't nail ASU's Courtney Simpson. Unless you're all concerned about contracting an STD or hotdog-in-a-hallway-syndrome, you gentlemen are all thinking with the wrong head.

If we were ranking the current contestants, we'd go:

1. Meghan Vasconcellos
2. Seagals Heidi
3. Cavs Amanda
4. Carolina lesbians Renee and Angela
5. Suns Amanda
6. ASU Courtney Simpson
7. Vikings Krisandra
8. USC Christine
9. Texans twins Larisa and Marisa
10. Titans Erica

Your turn.

There was some race in Florida

Isn't Daytona strictly for bikini-clad women and Spring Break parties?

We're not sure if the Daytona 500 is NASCAR, Indy Car or Formula-1 (or if there's a difference between the three), but somebody got in a car Sunday, drove around in circles 500 times and was slightly faster than the next guy.

Really, we just wanted an excuse to mention Super Sprint. That game fucking scraped.

The sun is brighter, water is wetter and there's music in the air

Pitchers and catchers have officially reported. Soon there will be baseball, March Madness and sunshine, except in Seattle where reports have surfaced that the sun does not exist.

But baseball is here! If only the Giants wouldn't lose 100 games this season!

And start getting ready for fantasy baseball. We just signed up for our Yahoo! league. (Anyone got good team name suggestions?) If you're one for winning actual money and stuff for your fantasy sports, we encourage you to check out CBS Sports' Fantasy Baseball. You can even get $50 if you refer people.

And that's lovely Scottsdale Stadium. We'll be there one month from today!

What Really Grinds My Gears

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears (named after the segment on Family Guy, of course) is a new feature that will run whenever the fuck we want it to...but usually on a slow news day. It will focus on those pet peeves that, well, really grind your gears. It likely won't be sports-related. Fuck sports. This isn't a sports blog anyway...Oh. Right. Um, yeah, we'll see about making them sports-related. If you have any suggestions -- or would even like to guest write one! -- send your submissions to zachls5@gmail.com or Ballhype us or something Internet-y like that.

You know what really grinds my gears? Valentine's Day.

What a bullshit holiday. Hallmark can go suck my ass for creating such a crapfest of an "event."

Valentine's Day is a lose-lose situation for pretty much every guy.

If you have a girlfriend/wife, good for you. You get to spend $100 on a shitty Helzberg diamond, $15 on Russell Stover's shit and then $80 at an overpriced, crowded restaurant. Maybe -- just maybe -- she'll give you a little head before you fornicate.

And if you don't have a girlfriend, well fuck. You're constantly reminded how seldom you get laid and that you're a pathetic loser with no friends, a lousy job and an inverted penis; for this one day, the world is against you.

Why can't everyday be Love Day? Hell, pick a random Wednesday in October and I'll give my girlfriend a night out on the town, spoil the shit out of her and make love to her like a GI just back from WWII. And I'm OK with that. It's not that I dislike treating my girl great -- I love that shit (and it often results in awesomeness in the bedroom). I just hate Valentine's Day -- and societal fucking norms -- telling me that on Feb. 14 I have to treat my girl extra special.

Then there's the weird shit on Valentine's Day. Like when you're in 3rd grade and you give valentines and those chalk-candy hearts to everyone in your class. For me it was OK because even when I was 9 I wanted to fuck just about every girl in my class. But for monogamists out there, that was probably pretty weird. And I also gave valentines to my teachers, which is sorta strange in a fetish-y kind of way.

Also, sometimes I have relatives that expect royal treatment from me on Valentine's Day. Like grandparents. Am I supposed to send a card? There's a place for that -- like a birthday. But Valentine's Day should just be between two lovers. When you get children and grandparents involved, that just muddies the water.

So happy Valentine's Day, motherfuckers. At least you only have to put up with this shit once a year.

Wednesday sure sucked for Indiana

Eesh. Talk about a lousy day.

Wednesday did not treat the Indiana Hoosiers well, as anything short of the football stadium burning down pretty much happened to the IU athletic department.

First, Hoosiers coach Kelvin Sampson was accused of committing five "major" rules violations, which could cost him his job as soon as Friday.

Also, a report was published about three IU football players getting arrested over the weekend.

Police arrested Indiana wide receiver James Bailey and running back Demetrius McCray on misdemeanor disorderly conduct charges after complaints of loud music from their apartment.

A teammate, freshman linebacker Darius Johnson, also was arrested over the weekend on misdemeanor charges after police said he was found passed out in a residence hall stairwell and later struggled with medics inside an ambulance.

Not hard-hitting stuff, but still bad publicity.

Wednesday's final fuck-you came when Wisconsin's Brian Butch banked a three-pointer with 4.5 seconds left to give the Badgers a 68-66 win and put a knife in the Hoosiers' back.

If athletic director Rick Greenspan polished off an entire bottle of Chivas Regal last night, who'd blame him?

Big Picture Categories: NBAers from the ACC

King's Cup might be the best drinking game out there. Everyone has their own version, there's ample drinking and sometimes -- on a few lucky occasions -- hot chicks end up naked. One of the best "games" in King's Cup is Categories, which often is represented by the Jack card. In Categories, the person who draws the card says a category (fast food joints, baseball stadiums, etc.) and everyone must go around the circle naming one until somebody stumbles. When that person fucks up, they drink. Make sense? Good.

We've ignored the NBA up until this point. It's a boring league, with whiny superstars and the hoops are too motherfucking low. Raise that shit to 11 feet already!

But our neglect stops here. With so little going on sports wise, it's time to embrace the NBA as your best friend. If you hate it like us, learn to love it. Or just root for the Warriors. They play like a college team anyway. But since the NBA has far fewer players than the NFL or MLB, we couldn't stick to one alma mater -- like in these posts.

Since the ACC is the premier league in the land (the Pac-10 ain't too shabby, either), today's category will be naming all current NBA players who went to ACC universities. We'll start and you guys continue in the comments. You can go again after every five comments. One -- one! -- answer per comment, assbags. First person to mess up has to root for Duke for two weeks.

We'll start with a basket case, because, well, who doesn't like a superstar nutjob? Steve Francis (Maryland).

Let's go, college hoops (and soon-to-be NBA) fans. Slang your knowledge in the comments.

Sprewell, in legal trouble, called yacht "Milwaukee's Best"

We were going to pass on this story. Latrell Sprewell is in financial trouble, his $1.5 million yacht was auctioned off and his home could be foreclosed. Bor-ring.

But we scrolled down a bit, and learned Spree -- a Milwaukee native -- called his 70-foot boat "Milwaukee's Best." A reference to the Beast, yes? Certainly not his playing ability.

When we get our 70-foot yacht, we'll probably name it something along the lines of, "Dirty Sea-man" or "Cleveland Steamer."

As for Spree, he seems to be having trouble feeding his family. Sad. Where's that multi-million dollar contract when you really need it?

Villanova got hosed

If you missed it, the Big East officiating crew beat Villanova Monday, 55-53.

Here's the AP story to sum it up.

The score was tied. There was less than one second to play, and Georgetown's Jonathan Wallace was dribbling 70 feet from the basket when he heard the whistle.

He wondered what was up. After all, there's no way a referee would call a foul in that situation, right?

Guess again.

That "nudge" was a bump from Villanova's Corey Stokes, the 48th foul called in a frustrating, stop-and-start game. Wallace hit both free throws with one-tenth of a second on the clock to give the No. 8 Hoyas a 55-53 victory.

And here's the video.

Sure, Georgetown could've gone in to OT and outscored 'Nova 10-0. Not probable, but our money would've been on the Hoyas, a top-10 team playing at home.

Still, criminal. No way to end an important game. Seattle Seahawks fans, feel free to make an officiating joke here.

Hey, inbounds passes can be hard

Here's the fantastic video of Washington's Tim Morris bouncing the ball off UCLA's Alfred Aboya's face late in the Huskies' 71-61 win over UCLA.

Morris was trying to inbound with 47 seconds left, couldn't find anyone to pass to, and bounced it off Aboya's face to get a fresh five seconds. Morris was then able to inbound, which led to a UW score and victory.

Hey, the Huskies will take wins anyway they can get them.

The NFL has so much money. Like what the fuck? Like Pro Bowlers get even more money?! Are you fucking serious?! Fuck.

The Pro Bowl is bullshit anyway -- though it doesn't need to be -- and it's a meaningless game that's more flawed than the people who allowed "Norbit" to be made.

And while a free trip to Hawaii isn't enough, the players on the winning team each receive $40,000. Are you fucking serious?! Because multi-million dollar contracts don't cut it, hey, take a free trip to Hawaii, play just hard enough to scratch out a win, and we'll give you 40 grand for the hassle. Sincerely, The NFL.

Fuck. That's a lot of money. Even if you lose, you get 20k. That could buy a shit load of tacos at Jack in the Box.

And with a $40,000 bonus, just winning the Pro Bowl gives these NFLers more money in three hours than the following professionals make in a year:

-High school teachers
-Journalists
-Nurses
-Bloggers
-Government officials

We suppose the NFL throwing around money is no surprise, but this seems a bit excessive. And in addition to his 40 g's, Pro Bowl MVP Adrian Peterson was awarded a car. If we saw that vehicle, we'd key the shit out of it.

Our blogging cherry has been popped

If over two years of writing this site wasn't enough, we are now officially a blogger: we have met Will Leitch.

Deadspin Will came to Seattle Friday and read from his newest book, God Save the Fan. It was a good time out -- thankfully all awkwardness that comes with a book reading was mitigated with Boddington's and PBR. We were able to introduce ourselves to Will, get the book signed and tell him we just gave 27.50 reasons to link to our site more often.

Really though, it was great to meet the biggest name (oxymoron?) in sports blogging. He was pretty much as we expected, though with more blackface jokes (1) than we thought. And we had him pegged for whiskey. He was drinking what looked like something and tonic. Yeah. Totally blindsided.

If February melted, would anyone notice?

Salvador Dali was on to something. What if you could melt time? Or clocks? Or stop time? Then you could time travel, which is much more Marty McFly than Salvador Dali.

Speaking of clocks and the future, if you could go back in time and fix one sports-related event, what would it be? Us, well, we probably wouldn't have let Dusty Baker take the ball from Russ Ortiz in a certain game.

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National Signing Day is one of the most overrated, bullshit non-events that gets blown way out of proportion.

It's like the NFL Draft -- a great event, mind you -- with unestablished players.

The two biggest recruits we remember making a splash on Signing Day were Lorenzo Booker (Florida State) and Derrick Williams (Penn State). Both were supposed to change the landscape of their respective teams and lead them back to glory.

Both were fine players, but nothing that special. They're like the equivalent of a T.J. Duckett: decent player, but never made it big.

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This time of year sucks. It's cold, wet and the only things going on sports-related are the NBA and mid-season college hoops.

If we could hibernate, we would. We'd go fucking hang out with some polar bears and just take the month of February off.

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Our colleague and fellow blogger Josh is a stupid, distracting, soccer jersey-wearing douchenob. And he likes soccer. And he accepts that the U.S. and Mexico can tie.

Bullshit.

In this results-driven world, we want a fucking winner and loser. What if the Revolutionaries and the Redcoats had tied?

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Take your pick:

Hangnail or paper cut?

Javier Bardem or Daniel Day Lewis?

Duke or Carolina?

Red or blue?

Front door or back door?

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The Shaq trade is mind-boggling. We imagine that Shawn Marion must've been a problem in the clubhouse; something other than getting an old, expensive big man sparked this deal. We think Marion forced Phoenix's hand.

What if Shaq melted?

Big Picture Categories: Sports Blogs

King's Cup might be the best drinking game out there. Everyone has their own version, there's ample drinking and sometimes -- on a few lucky occasions -- hot chicks end up naked. One of the best "games" in King's Cup is Categories, which often is represented by the Jack card. In Categories, the person who draws the card says a category (fast food joints, baseball stadiums, etc.) and everyone must go around the circle naming one until somebody stumbles. When that person fucks up, they drink. Make sense? Good.

We are in, what seems like anyway, the prime of sports blogging. In about five minutes, you can sign up for a Blogger account and be a published author. No experience needed. It's kinda like crack in the 90s: sports blogging is the new cool thing.

With the ease (and fun, we might add) of sports blogging, there has gotta be somewhere near 300,000 sports blogs out there. That is an exaggeration, but unfortunately, not that big of one.

Today's category then, we'll be naming all independent sports blogs. What's independent mean? No affiliation with a newspaper or mainstream media website. Use your judgment. We'll start and you guys continue in the comments. You can go again after every five comments. One -- one! -- answer per comment, assbags. There are tons of these, so let's set a new commenting record! Also, link to the site that you mention. First person to blow it has to shotgun a 40.

We'll start with a favorite: The Hater Nation (NFL Adam told us if we said that, he'd buy our lunch when we visit him later this month).

All right, blog buddies. Start dishin' out those URLs like Steve Nash assists.

*That's a picture of "Mean Girls" co-star Lacey Chabert. When we did an image search for "sports blogs," she was the third item that popped up. Weird. Anyway, here are some more pants-stirring, yet safe-for-work, pics of her.

The Big Picture: 'An in-your-face, no-holds-barred, comical look at the sports world'

Our new friends at Fantasy Sports 101 compiled a list of "Blogs We Like" and posted little testimonials about each one.

Here's what they said about us:

An in-your-face, no-holds-barred, comical look at the sports world. If you want a laugh and don't mind some foul-mouthed honesty, this is a good site to check out. This trio has been busting chops since 2005, which means their blog has lasted about two years longer than your average site.

Aside from failing to mention our striking good looks and remarkable athletic ability, we couldn't have summed up the site better ourselves.

Sarah Silverman bleeped Matt Damon

This video has made the rounds and it has nothing to do with sports except Matt Damon is from Boston (right?) and probably is mildly aware that his football team just lot an important game.

But still, pretty funny stuff.



And if you don't know why Silverman is joking about this, here's People magazine to conveniently summarize:

Comedian Sarah Silverman had a special surprise for boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel on Thursday night's 5th anniversary of his ABC late-night show -- and it involved getting naughty with Matt Damon.

Damon (a Kimmel pal and frequent joker on the late-night show) gets in on the fun, too, asking Kimmel, "How do you like them apples?"

Damon and Silverman, Kimmel's girlfriend of over five years, even show off their dance moves in a hip-hop interlude.

Ugh, so, ya know, would you bleep Sarah Silverman? (We had to ask).

Pedro Martinez will not wait to be seated

A-list celebs get all the perks: hot babes, free drinks and they never have to stand in line or wait for a table at a trendy Miami restaurant. Well, unless you're Pedro Martinez, of course.

From the New York Post via Ben Maller:

PEDRO Martinez waits for no table! The Mets pitching ace became "visibly upset" when told by a maitre d' that he would have to wait for a table at Prime 112 in Miami last week. A spy said, "Pedro started cursing and demanded to be seated. He was with a friend and had been discussing the team's pitching staff. Pedro didn't look happy at all with the discussion and got even madder when he was told to wait." To make matters worse, Star Jones walked in and was seated immediately.

Who the fuck is Star Jones? Has the name of a pornstar turned stripper turned hooker.

As for Pedro, yeah, we'd be "visibly upset," too. Waiting for a table -- let alone waiting for anything -- sucks. We had to wait 30 minutes for a table at Cheesecake Factory last weekend. Don't they know who the fuck we are?

University of Oregon planning to spend lots of money on basketball arena

As a U-Dub alum, we'll look for any reason to take a cheap shot at Oregon. As a Husky, you're supposed to hate Washington State the way a married couple hates each other after 10 years. But the true diehards hate Oregon much, much more than that.

So when Oregon decides to spend a record $200 million on a new basketball arena, opposed to, say, education, we can't help but laugh.

From The Oregonian via Ben Maller...by the way, Ben Maller is the shit. That guy finds all these juicy nuggets while we merely link to them and make jokes. That's why he's employed by Fox Sports (read: paid) while we're self-employed (read: unpaid). Anyway:

University of Oregon leaders will make their biggest pitch ever to the Legislature this month, requesting $200 million in state-backed bonds to build the most expensive campus basketball arena in the nation.

Lawmaker approval would create a no-money-down, 30-year mortgage that the university plans to repay with arena revenues and athletic department donations.

UO's proposal pushes a debate held largely in faculty meetings to the floor of the Capitol: Is it appropriate to use public debt for a posh athletics venue while the state's universities struggle to support core academic programs?

Or is the plan, which requires no cash from the state, merely a creative way to replace an ancient arena and maintain the school's national edge in sports facilities?

Some observations:

-We, for some reason, think the new arena will sort of resemble the Death Star.

-The Pit is one of the best venues in the Pac-10, if not the country. It's old, decrepit and small. Perfect for a college hoops game.

-The word "lawmaker" looks a lot like "lawnmower."

-Let's go hypothetical: If this facility was approved and built last year, would that have convinced Kyle Singler and Kevin Love (both native Oregonians) to sign with the Duckies?

-Phil Knight should financially back this blog.