Thursday, February 07, 2008

If February melted, would anyone notice?

Salvador Dali was on to something. What if you could melt time? Or clocks? Or stop time? Then you could time travel, which is much more Marty McFly than Salvador Dali.

Speaking of clocks and the future, if you could go back in time and fix one sports-related event, what would it be? Us, well, we probably wouldn't have let Dusty Baker take the ball from Russ Ortiz in a certain game.


National Signing Day is one of the most overrated, bullshit non-events that gets blown way out of proportion.

It's like the NFL Draft -- a great event, mind you -- with unestablished players.

The two biggest recruits we remember making a splash on Signing Day were Lorenzo Booker (Florida State) and Derrick Williams (Penn State). Both were supposed to change the landscape of their respective teams and lead them back to glory.

Both were fine players, but nothing that special. They're like the equivalent of a T.J. Duckett: decent player, but never made it big.


This time of year sucks. It's cold, wet and the only things going on sports-related are the NBA and mid-season college hoops.

If we could hibernate, we would. We'd go fucking hang out with some polar bears and just take the month of February off.


Our colleague and fellow blogger Josh is a stupid, distracting, soccer jersey-wearing douchenob. And he likes soccer. And he accepts that the U.S. and Mexico can tie.


In this results-driven world, we want a fucking winner and loser. What if the Revolutionaries and the Redcoats had tied?


Take your pick:

Hangnail or paper cut?

Javier Bardem or Daniel Day Lewis?

Duke or Carolina?

Red or blue?

Front door or back door?


The Shaq trade is mind-boggling. We imagine that Shawn Marion must've been a problem in the clubhouse; something other than getting an old, expensive big man sparked this deal. We think Marion forced Phoenix's hand.

What if Shaq melted?


flohtingPoint said...

How come the Suns gave up more to get Shaq than the Heat did in 04...

JMC said...

February sucks. Especially THIS week - the super bowl is over, but spring training hasn't started yet. The only thing I can get excited about is watching the Warriors tonight to see if C Webb can still play NellieBall

GMoney said...

Just make sure that old Biff doesn't steal your Delorian.

Anonymous said...

If I could go back in time to change a sports moment, I'd go to Yankee stadium in the 1996 ALCS, wait outside, and cut the throat of that mother fucker Jeffrey Maier before the game.

That asshole spoiled the only chance for the Orioles to go to the series in my lifetime so far, and the chances aren't great in the future.

Dr. Dawg said...

Is Josh paying you guys to advertise for him?

Chris said...

right on man, signing day sucks. But c'mon, college hoops is heating up and the NBA is buzzing with crazy trades, it's not that bad.

Just wait until baseball season.

Bokolis said...

I don't wear my soccer jerseys much anymore when not playing soccer. I thought it was cool when I was the only one wearing them 10-15 years ago. Nowdays, glory hunting wankers everywhere are sporting them.

That said, reconsider your "douchenob" buddy's philosophy on ties. The Revolution was pretty much a draw; as it was part of a larger war, the British cut bait.

If I didn't get my bonus in February, it would suck. That's probably why it's the shortest month.

I'm guessing that the hanging slider Armando Benitez threw to Tony Fernandez in 1997 has slipped Chase's mind.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I thought of that, but that team wasn't as good.

Anonymous said...

Just saw that the debut (vs. the reason I've rooted for the Warriors since before I watched any NBA: Joe Smith) is coming on TNT and it reminded me... C. Webb back to the Warriors- Thoughts?

Anonymous said...

Wow... I just kinda glazed over jmc's comment after "February sucks. Especially THIS week..."

sugarshane024 said...

If February melted, would anyone notice? No.

Hangnail or paper cut? Hangnail.

Javier Bardem or Daniel Day Lewis? Javier Bardem.

Duke or Carolina? Carolina.

Red or blue? Blue.

Front door or back door? Front door.

Chuck Schick said...


2. Bean Joe Carter.
Pitching to him is a close #2

Chuck Schick said...

"That asshole spoiled the only chance for the Orioles to go to the series in my lifetime so far, and the chances aren't great in the future"

lol. now you know how Pirates fans feel. Bye Bye Bedard. Overrated, perhaps, but better that what they have in the pipeline.