Best of The Big Picture Week

It's birthday week here. This site turns four on Saturday, so to celebrate, we'll be having a Best Of week.

Our favorite posts, best series and funniest jokes will all be showcased this week in a nice, tidy package.

There will be cake, ice cream and maybe some pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. If you're lucky...

We're going to culminate the week with a mega-ultra huge announcement.

Put on your party hats, buckle your seat belts and let's have a fun week!

The San Francisco Giants in the offseason: still can't take a walk

Our pal Simon from the cleverly titled blog SimonOnSports asked us some questions about a Giants team that makes us holler in joy and scream in agony. More often scream in agony.

You can read all about the Giants here. To hear about a team who knows how to move a runner over with less than two outs, check back with SimonOnSports at a later date.

Happy Birthday Dad!

It's our Dad's birthday, so we'll use this space to wish him a happy birthday!

He reads this site and agrees not to tell TBP mother about all the dick, bathroom and sex jokes that occupy much of this space.

We encourage you to wish him a happy birthday in the comments because that's what blogs are for. Certainly not writing about sports...

Happy Labor Day

Mindi would like to wish you a happy Labor Day and would suggest that you wash your car today while simultaneously masturbating six times.

See you tomorrow.

It's almost college football time! But until then...

We're a week away from the first full Saturday of games! That means tailgates, the Spread Option and sorority girls making football jerseys sexy again.

We'll get into college football here during the week and Friday we'll be kicking off what three people have said is the best college football column in the blogosphere. That might be misquoted. And it might have been two people.

So sit back, enjoy the Dog Days of Summer, enjoy the insanely hot Lauren and have a fucking fantastic weekend. Fall starts next week and that means the best sports season of the year. Gear up!

Housekeeping

Hi, how are ya? Ready for the weekend? Watch the Finals game last night? Light some candles and sit down with a bottle of Jergens and surfthechannelx.com? Juiced about Game 7 tonight? Didn't know there was a Game 7 tonight? Gonna spend time getting to know Theresa better?

So we're entering that point of the year where we have zero time for much of anything. Various camping trips, 10-hour work days and plenty of socializing consumes the June-August stretch. But fear not, we'll have regular contributor Adam, super commenter and editor of the kick-ass The Money Shot, GMoney, and guest-writer David Kamoe filling in Monday through Thursday.

We'll be with you Friday and then, more or less, the rest of the summer. We'll really try not to suck, because then we lose readers, advertisers and money, which, well, sucks. But if things get slow, you know why. Feel free to call us out on it though.

Have fun with the guest posters this week. Chop it up in the comments and we'll see you kiddos Friday.

Where we request your radio expertise

Our pal Doug from the boner-popping On 205th Magazine emailed us saying that our Top 5 Mexican Athlete post that we ran on Cinco de Mayo was mentioned and credited on WSCR The Score 670 AM in Chicago late afternoon yesterday (we think).

Anyone who can find audio of this gets a king's ransom which will be in the form of five great porn sites. (Or a link to your site. Or both. Who are we kidding? Maybe we'll even get you a disease-free hooker).

Go to it, sleuths.

The post where I tell you that I joined Twitter

I joined Twitter. I don't know what that means, how it makes me feel or when I'm supposed to do something. But you can follow it here. (Also link on right sidebar under "Tip Us Off" section).

I'll use it for personal and blog use. So I might tell you that I just masturbated to a gonzo porn or that I wrote a blog post that refers to Tim Floyd as an alcoholic.

Feel free to follow me or be my friend or whatever it is that goes on over there. It'll be a learning experience for us all.

My two-foot cock and I get interviewed

Up and coming blog That's So Lame interviewed me about me. The blog is about all things that are lame, so being the first interview subject, I can only imagine it's because I'm lame. Shucks.

Here's a snippet of the interview:

That's So Lame: You recently said that you hate Jews. Why do you hate Jews?
The Big Picture: I don't.

That's So Lame: We heard that if you were to ever go to prison you'd be down to be someone's bitch.
The Big Picture: I never said that.

That's So Lame: You once told a story of the time you gave a girl a Texas Chili Dog. You did that, right?
The Big Picture: No.

So there's part of the interview. Go read the rest of it here (permalink not working, so might need to scroll down a post or two). Leave a comment and say hi. Ask about the chili dog. Hear it's to die for.

Notes

Brian, AKA The Cavalier who used to run the incredibly wonderful YAYsports!NBA, started up a new blog that may or may not be about airplanes, but probably about baked potatoes. It's called Brian's Thoughts About Airplanes, so I think it might be about airplanes, but probably not, but maybe. Again, maybe potatoes.

Anyway, he asked us three amusing questions that we answered here. Go leave a comment and welcome Brian back to the blogosphere.

Elsewhere, we went to go click some links on our blog Friday to make money for us that we could spend money on drugs, hookers and hookers with drugs. (Please go click those. They're below the top banner ad on the right sidebar. Each click gives us actual money that we spend on drugs and hookers and hookers with drugs.)

But when we go to the URL, The Big Picture is now blocked at Oakland public schools. We think it's because it's classified as a "personal page" and not because we say fuck every three words and often show pictures of women with unnatural bodies. Still, fuck. Now we have to actually work. Bullshit.

If you're blocked at work, too, quit. If you can't read us at work, that job isn't for you.

The Big Picture is slangin' college hoops knowledge at Playboy U

We did the college football thing during the fall at Playboy U. During that time, we slept with the right people and they asked us to cover NCAA basketball for the college, network, almost-naked site this winter.

So come check us out Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Playboy U. You can see our articles and profile here. (Some of the best posts we do there we'll throw up here, too. Kind of like the Pre-Gaming columns that ran on Fridays the past few months).

You'll need a college email address to get registered on PBU. So take the 90 seconds to get all signed up and then you can see many lingerie-clad college girls, read our shit and increase your jack-off material by 20 percent.

Happy New Year!

These ladies' asses would also like to welcome you to 2009.

We'll see you Monday -- in 2009.

2009. Wow.

Merry Christmas!

Enjoy the presents! We'll see ya Monday...

JMC in the NY TImes

The Fifth Down, the New York Times' NFL Blog, asks the bloggers who cover opposing teams to break down the coming game for the Jets — in 100 words or less.

Last week, the Jets took on the Niners and the Niners unleashed hell on them! NINERS BABY!!!

Anyway, regular contributor and super commenter JMC wrote his 100 words breaking down the game. You can see his piece here (third one down).

But what comes to our attention is his intro:

Jamie Costello, known as wjackalope, is a long-time commenter on Niners Nation and the leader of their season-long N.F.L. prediction game. He is a contributor to the sports blog The Big Picture, and has been a 49ers fan for as long as he can remember.

Thanks for the shoutout, J, but where's the fucking link! The NEW YORK FREAKIN' TIMES! A link woulda been nice, thanks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

That pilgrim woman probably used to give great head...

We'll be off the rest of the week, eating like Charlie Weis, drinking like Robert Downey Jr. and boning like Ron Jeremy.

We'll leave you with this absurd Sarah Palin video to take you through the long weekend and crown a WYD champion on Monday...

We're up and running at Playboy U

We have a new partnership with PlayboyU.com. Maybe we told you. Maybe we didn't. Maybe fuck your mother.

We'll be writing for them a minimum of three times a week, doing things all college football. Come check it out. It'll be 100% new material, except for interviews with Playmates, which we might run here, too, so you can masturbate to two different sites.

You can read our intro post here and our first real post here.

PlayboyU.com (safe for work, in that there's no tit or bush, but there are some suggestive photos) should now be your one-stop-shop for college football insight, humor and poon. Lots of fucking poon!

Watching the Giants try to score a runner from third with less than two outs is less frustrating than this

See that image? Go ahead. Click it. That's what you'll see if you try to come to any Big Picture post from Google.

After far too many hours of investigating, we've been told that we have badware or malware or something that makes us want to blow up the Internet with 1,000 tons of C-4. We have no idea what this is, how we have it or what it will do. Well, it won't do shit. The blog looks fine...but our traffic is getting crushed by losing all perusing Googlers.

Yahoo! and other search engines are working fine and the site appears to be OK -- if you enter from another blog or from a bookmark it should be normal.

If anyone has any knowledge about badware or knows who can help, please drop us a line: zachls5@gmail.com. Meanwhile, we'll be tearing out our hair and clawing at our eyes.

[Super sexy, boner-inducing update: we think we're clean! Should be no more problems coming in to the blog from Google. Hooray!]

Our voice can be heard

...Sunday. 1:30 Pacific, 4:30 Eastern. Listen here (or maybe here). We think.

We've been invited back to the FDH Lounge, an Internet TV program on SportsTalkNetwork.com. We did the show around this time last year, to promote our "Would you do..." tournament.

They're doing a day-long marathon to help raise money for a good cause. You can read about it here and here.

We're getting reach-around treatment

Blog buddy and super commenter Rick from Stiles Points asked us some questions which we gave verbose answers to.

Go check it out. Leave a comment. Live a little.

It's insightful and provactive and slightly arousing. For women. Arousing for women.

Our blogging cherry has been popped

If over two years of writing this site wasn't enough, we are now officially a blogger: we have met Will Leitch.

Deadspin Will came to Seattle Friday and read from his newest book, God Save the Fan. It was a good time out -- thankfully all awkwardness that comes with a book reading was mitigated with Boddington's and PBR. We were able to introduce ourselves to Will, get the book signed and tell him we just gave 27.50 reasons to link to our site more often.

Really though, it was great to meet the biggest name (oxymoron?) in sports blogging. He was pretty much as we expected, though with more blackface jokes (1) than we thought. And we had him pegged for whiskey. He was drinking what looked like something and tonic. Yeah. Totally blindsided.