So last night I got all spiffed up to go out to some swanky bar. Having "what-to-drink-indecision" I thought I would try to win over the bartender with my charm.
I went up to the bar, and in my sexiest voice said, "Disaronno...on the rocks." The bartender looked at me like I was fucking mental. Embarrassed, I looked away. Then I made love to an ice cube in the bathroom.
A while back, I had another fun bar moment that didn't involve going home with a cross-dressing hooker. I was out with some buddies...let's call them Superman, Batman and Spider-Man. Batman brought along a buddy who the rest of us didn't know...let's call him Robin.
So we go out to some trendy bar where every guy is over 6-3 and every girl looks the same in that "I'd fuck her, but probably not tell other people about it" kind of way.
We go up and order drinks. I go with a
Robin, not sure what to get, asks for some advice. I say, "You want something sweet?" He's like, "Yeah. Sweet sounds good." So I say, "Might as well go with a rum and coke. Hard to fuck that up."
So Robin walks up the bartender (who I might add is a chick you would fuck and definitely tell people about), puffs out his chest, flashes a smile and asks for a Cuba Libre.
I nearly spat out my drink. You fucking scum fuck. A Cuba Libre?!
What's a Cuba Libre? A rum and coke with a lime wedge. He ordered a Cuba Libre instead of ordering a rum and coke and asking for a lime wedge.
Robin hasn't been out with us since.
Once I was at a trendy Irish bar that sucked my cock. I fucking hate this bar, yet often end up there. I ordered a shitty bottle of beer and it was like $4.50. Even though all the bartender did was twist off the cap, I still tipped him, even though it fucking grinded my gears. I respect etiquette, even when it assrapes me.
But I gave him a five, he gave me back 50 cents and I left the two quarters on the counter. He looked at me, gave me fuck-you eyes, and then splashed the coins back in my direction.
That really fucking grinded my gears. Asshole was expecting a buck for twisting off a cap. That's bullshit. Work for your tip. I'm gonna fucking end that guy. He was a total cock-weasel who has an inverted penis.
The comments would be a good place to leave your best bar stories. Go to town.