Tuesday, January 30, 2007

It's Media Day at The Big Picture

Because it's Media Day in Miami, and because we like to tell people we work for the media and interview people and shit (not far from the truth, actually) we caught up with both head coaches for Sunday's Super Bowl. Albeit brief, Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy were kind enough to sit down with us for a nice chat.

What follows is the transcript of our discussion. Naturally the topic of race came up, but remember, it was all in good fun...

The Big Picture: Thanks for hanging out, guys.
Lovie Smith: My pleasure.
Tony Dungy: You are welcome.

TBP: So, um, yeah, Miami's pretty fun.
Lovie: I haven't been out much.
Tony: Me neither.
TBP: Mini bar, huh?
Tony: I don't drink.
Lovie: Me neither.

TBP: Haven't hit the streets? But there are all sorts of hookers and shit.
Lovie: I'm happily married.
Tony: I am also married.

TBP: Happily?
Tony: Yes.
TBP: Bullshit.
Tony: Excuse me?
TBP: Ah, never mind, justfuckedyourwife...
Tony: What?
TBP: Bless you is what you're supposed to say.
Tony: Oh.

TBP: So Lovie, how long have you been a black coach?
Lovie: What?
TBP: Haha. See, that's an old joke that we reporters use. See, funny thing is, you've always been black!
Lovie: Yes, that's true.
TBP: Tony, don't lie to me either you shrewd cat, you and Lovie have been talking about being black, right?
Tony: We discuss many things.
TBP: Like being black.
Lovie: We also talk about football.
TBP: Is it true what they say about black guys?
Tony: What is it that they say?
TBP: That you're hung like a fucking kielbasa.
Lovie: It's true.
Tony: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lovie: You fucking dogger, Tony. You got baby-dick, huh?
TBP: You have fucking baby-dick?!
Tony: I don't have baby-dick.
TBP: You lying son of a bitch! You have baby-dick.

Tony: We are playing a game you know...
TBP: Fuck the game. Why the hell do you think we're here for Media Day? We don't give a fuck about Peyton's thumb. We don't give a fuck about how Rex is going to handle the pressure. We want human interest stories.
Lovie: I'll give you a human interest story.
TBP: Please.
Lovie: I'm an African American coach.
Tony: Me too.
TBP: Did you know that Eli Whitney was white?
Lovie: Yes, I did know that.
TBP: Like, "What the fuck?" Cotton gin motherfucker is a piece of fucking Wonder Bread. Cracker ass bitch. Thought he was a brotha. But no.
Tony: That is correct. He was a Caucasian male.

TBP: You know what we love?
Lovie: Hookers?
TBP: Well besides that.
Lovie: Football?
TBP: That too. But we're totally down with those fucking yams. Ya know, the ones with butter and brown sugar and marshmallows and shit.
Tony: I've never eaten that before.
TBP: Shut the fuck up, Tony. Is this your interview?
Tony: Why, I think it is.
TBP: We're outta hear. We got plenty to go write an article about. In fact, we already have the lede set:

MIAMI -- By the numbers: Two teams. Two African-American coaches. One baby dick...

(Check out KSK's fun sit-down with Colts' center Jeff Saturday).


Miss Gossip said...

did this really happen?

JMC said...

well this one is going to attract some negative attention.

NFL Adam said...

Dude, that was pretty good.

McLean Stevenson said...


McLean Stevenson said...

Oops. Meant bad career move.

For the writer.

Paul said...

Put your money on the Colts ! It's Manning's year.

Head Chick said...

Yams. So you've always secretly envied our yams. Good to know.

Anonymous said...

Wow you guys should change the name of your blog from the Big Picture to the Big Douche Bag...

Mini Me said...

Wow, impressive credentials to sit down with these guys :)

twins15 said...

ha! i'm also a big fan of the people that come to comment and bash you about a fake interview! :D

Anonymous said...

Oh trust me, I wasn't commenting on JUST the interview. I think this entire blog is a piece of shit!!

field negro said...

Ahhhh...are you house negroes or field negroes? You both seem like house negroes to me.

Yeah Mr. Big Reporter, like why didn't you ask them tough questions, like the example I gave you above?

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

i'm a pussy reporter, Field. don't ask the hard-hitting shit.