Monday, January 22, 2007
Bears vs. Colts in Miami: who's going wild?
OK, we were looking forward to seeing Tom Brady get to the Super Bowl just to hear the stories of the multiple gang bangs he was going to have on South Beach. Still may happen, but Peyton Manning? Yeah, won't leave the hotel room. (Though Eli may look for the best dive bar with karaoke 'til 2 a.m.).
Tony Dungy, Lovie Smith, well, they probably aren't going to go burn the city down. But here's a list of the guys we'll be keeping an extra keen eye on during the Super Bowl festivities. In Miami. Miami!
-Sexy Rexy: The guy is going to get back to Chicago after the big game with an STD count higher than his fucking passer rating. The guy loves poon tang and poon tang loves Miami. He'll go out of his way to get it. Team meeting? "Fuck that shit. Tequila shots, a credit card and some horse tranquilizers are all I need."
-Brian Urlacher: He's already hit it with Paris Hilton, so no worry of picking up herpes at the happening South Beach clubs. Somehow, we see Brian being a bit tame and staying fit. Rollerblading with an ocean view seems aprop.
-Marvin Harrison: Quiet fella, that Marvin is. Likes to keep to himself. He'll probably rack up quite the hotel bill ordering porn. But Marvin, a noble man, won't allow the dirty films to be billed to his room. He'll charge the jerk-off films to Dallas Clark's suite.
-Tank Johnson: He'll hear three words after his stay in Miami: 25 to life.
-Adam Vinatieri: He'll get Sexy Rexy's sloppy seconds.
Help us out, folks! You can tell the creative juices aren't flowing like the alcohol in Miami. Drop a line in the comments with what your favorite Super Bowl XLI player will be doing on South Beach.