Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Chan Gailey in running for NFL job. Really?! Why?! Blackmail? It must be blackmail.

Nope, don't worry, Ter, we won't throw to Calvin today. Oooh, nice shoes.


Former Dallas Cowboys coach Chan Gailey is currently the Georgia Tech football coach and he is so mind-fucking awful it makes you want to shove Calvin Johnson down his throat.

OK. Whew! Deep breath. Exhale.

Yes, Chan Gailey is being considered for the Miami Dolphins coaching vacancy, though missed out on the Steelers gig. (FYI, we suspect he's blackmailing somebody. Maybe he saw Dolphins' GM Wayne Huizinga getting freaky on South Beach. Or heard he was doing blow.)

Quick question: If you're the coach of Calvin Johnson -- the baddest motherfucking wide receiver in the land -- what do you do? Pass to him, right? That's what we'd do.

First down? Throw Johnson the fucking ball. Second down? Throw Johnson the fucking ball. Third-and-short? Fake the dive...then throw Johnson the fucking ball. Fourth-and-26 from your own one? Punt. Yeah. Punt. (But consider throwing Johnson the fucking ball).

Gailey is not one for quick questions like the one directly above. Rather he over-thinks this shit and doesn't get Johnson the ball. No. 21 had zero catches at Clemson. Two at Georgia. Both G-Tech losses. Wonder why.

Sure, Gailey may not have been calling plays for the 'Jackets this past season. (If you do know who was calling the plays, please let us know.) But the guy is offensive-minded, and when you have a guy like Johnson, all you have to tell your QB to do -- even if he's inept like Reggie Ball -- is to throw the fucking ball within five feet of Johnson. He'll catch it. Trust us.

Now Gailey is in discussion for NFL jobs? The way he mishandles talent, he'd be better suited for the high school level. Or the Arena League. Yep. Arena.

In other news: In addition to Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck playing with broken fingers, sources say he also had a sore wrist from excessive masturbation.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

The good 'ol boy coaches network strikes again -- no matter how stupid you are, if you've been a head coach once in the NFL, you'll always get another shot at it.

field negro said...

Zach, that post was rich! BUt it goes to a deeper issue. It's like the poster above said; "The good ol boy coaches network strikes again"

Anonymous said...

This would be a bad career move for Chan. Stay in college, you were horrible as the Cowboys coach.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

signal and field, you're both right. once an nfl head coach, you'll be in the running again. if even you were bad-to-mediocre. makes no sense.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
JMC said...

see Green, Dennis

Anonymous said...

JMC - funny, please see here (sorry, blogwhore.)

At least a black man has finally made it in the Network -- now that's racial progress!

Anonymous said...

How stupid would you have to be to hire Chan Gailey over a guy like Ron Rivera?

sink sink socks said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Please Do not delete it , I need lots of money urgent.















G'night

Ashlee said...

Thanks for the info fuck face now he's the oc for my chiefs!

Please Capture Carl Peterson

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