Barkley: 'Gambling isn't my only problem'

Las Vegas -- One day after news surfaced that John Daly has lost millions gambling, Charles Barkley has some revelations of his own.

Barkley said Wednesday on ESPN that he has lost "probably $10 million" gambling, adding, "It is a problem for me."

But gambling is not his only problem.

"I don't like to talk about it much," Barkley told sources. "But it's erectile dysfunction. I've tried Cialis. I've tried Viagra. But it just don't work. My snake is dis-fucking-functional."

Reporters were unsure as to why Barkley brought this up (and why he referred to his penis as a snake), but he was not shy to talk about it.

"It first happened in 2004. I was on the road and I met some cheap ho in a club," Barkley said. "I told her I used to play basketball and she asked, 'your place or my place?' But she also said I needed to wear a rubber. I was like, 'what the fuck bitch?' I then tried to close the deal and strapped up, but I just couldn't get the blood flowin'."

Asked if he was kidding, Barkley replied, "I'm not kidding."

This condition is not thought to be related to his gambling problem, but Barkley reassured the media saying, "My betting and my dick are two very, very separate entities."

In other news: Behind LeBron James' 45 points, Cleveland beat Washington 121-120 and Cleveland changed its name to the Kings.

To read today

What to read while you count how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop...

YAYsports! NBA - They're making a movie! Really. Save money on the hooker this week, folks, and go donate to the movie fund.

The Sports Pulse - John Daly's belly isn't the only thing that's big.

Mr. Irrelevant - Will Joakim Noah be the Matt Leinart of the basketball world? (Pictures prove that you can be the ugliest motherfucker on the planet and still pull babes if you're good at basketball).

The Hater Nation - Draft surprise: Why the hell weren't Jets fans booing?

Complete Sports - Always your source for NBA news.

The Mighty MJD - Marcus Vick got signed! (He also pulled a gun on some kids at McDonald's).

Who the fuck is Pat Venditte?

This name shouldn't sound familiar. If it does, hats off to you -- you know way too much about college baseball.

Venditte, a sophomore pitcher at Creighton, is likely your average college student. He hits up some parties, makes it to class about twice a week and can't tell you the name of the last girl he "met."

But here's the thing with Pat: When he cracks a beer, which hand does he do it with? When he's done in the bathroom, which hand does he wipe with? And most importantly, when the middle reliever pitches, what hand does he throw with?

The answer to each question is both. (Well, we're not sure which hand he uses to clean himself, but just stay with us on this one). The guy is ambidextrous. So he throws with both hands, making him a switch pitcher.

Pretty neat. As SI On Campus learns from Blue Jays coach, Ed Servais, "If another guy throws 30 pitches one day, I know I'm not going to be able to use him the next day. With Pat, if he throws 30 pitches, and 15 are right-handed and 15 are left-handed, I know I can come back to him tomorrow."

Venditte must declare which hand he's gonna use to pitch before each batter which ruins the element of surprise. Speaking of surprise, how 'bout It's Pat? That person didn't know if they were a boy or a girl. Strange. One day you wake up and see a dick between your legs. Surprise!

Read other Who the fuck is...: Mel Kiper Jr.; Chris Shelton; George Mason.

In other news: Lakers' center Kwame Brown has been accused of alleged sexual assault after he admitted that Kobe Bryant was his mentor.

Throwing a plastic cup is apparently assault

The guy who threw his cup at Ron Artest, which provoked the Basketbrawl, is going to the slamma for 30 days. Don't drop the soap, buddy.

You picked a fight with him?!

As a rule of thumb, picking a fight and starting guff (guff?) with an NFL defensive end is generally a bad idea.

In a rather unusual story coming out of Davie, Fla. Monday, the Miami Dolphins’ Jason Taylor was allegedly the victim of a hate crime sparked by road rage.

As the AP report explains, Taylor and his wife (who is Brady Quinn's Zach Thomas’ sister) were coming home from church Sunday night when a pickup truck was backing up in an intersection as their car approached. Taylor tried to pass but was cut off by the truck.

After the passenger of the truck started smacking Taylor’s car, the NFL stud got out and was confronted by Redmond Charles Burns (the driver), a smallish 24-year-old who is probably in the KKK and has the IQ of a walnut.

This little prick (5-11, 168lbs., 3 in.), not noticing that Taylor (6-6, 255, 3 feet) hits people very hard for a living, started making racial slurs and threatening to kill Taylor (whose dad is black). He even returned to his pickup to get an “unknown metal object” (if it was Col. Mustard with the wrench in the library, we wouldn’t be at all surprised) with which he attempted to stab Taylor.

It’s unclear as to how the altercation ended, but nobody was hurt, thankfully. Though we would have been very pleased to hear that Taylor sacked/beat the shit out of this Confederate flag-loving racist and then sacked his sister.

By the way, we have zero idea why Taylor has his shirt off in this picture. Does he model in the offseason?

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Kobe and Shaq like kids, each other?

After reading this story, we officially don’t believe in coincidences.

Both Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal welcomed children into the world early Monday morning — Kobe’s second and Shaq’s nineteenth.

(The chances are slim that Todd Helton is the mother.)

The oddest part about this story is that the two girls were born six minutes apart in real time, which equates to about 25 seconds off the clock in a basketball game. We don’t know how this is possible, but refuse to accept that it was simply a coincidence. Phil Jackson’s Zen powers could be involved, as could the growing (?) love affair between Kobe and Shaq.

The media seems to get off to depicting their distaste for each other, but we don’t buy it after this. We’re guessing they told Helton their wives to hold off on giving birth for as long as possible so their daughters could be born at exactly the same time — for kicks or something. They then would have exchanged hugs, high-fives, fist-pounds, ass-slaps, cheek-kisses and some pancakes for breakfast.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Denzel Washington has a kid?

Yeah, he does. We can’t believe it, either. And apparently he plays football.

The St. Louis Rams signed running back John David Washington to a free-agent contract yesterday. Denzel’s kid is out of Morehouse College where he may have studied drama and learned to act so well that he made Rams coach Scott Linehan believe he could run the ball.

Linehan says he was unaware of John’s famous father until after expressing interest in the player. But after discovering that actor Jim Caviezel is Linehan’s brother-in-law, we aren’t so sure — especially since Jesus and Rubin “Hurricane” Carter just finished shooting a movie together.

It seems that there will be plenty of drama in the Rams’ locker room this year. If John Washington could act like his father and Linehan could coach like Herman Boone, St. Louis might fool some teams into thinking that they can actually play some football.

In other news: The Los Angeles Clippers won its first playoff series Monday since the invention of time.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Zebras hate the Sun(s)

Phoenix Suns' fans must be up in motherfucking arms right about now. Those who saw the Lakers escape with a 99-98 win Sunday also saw the Suns get raped by Kobe Bryant...err, that was some chick in Colorado. The refs blew this one for Phoenix.

The Suns twice got screwed on calls Sunday. The first blown call came when Steve Nash was apparently fouled with about 10 seconds left in regulation, but instead turned the ball over leading to a game-tying shot by Kobe.

Then in OT, again with the Suns in control of the game, Nash was trapped in the corner and

a.) called a timeout
b.) was fouled
c.) both a and b

If you answered d.) none of the fucking above, you would have been a referee. A jump ball was called, the Lakers got it, Kobe dribbled, raped a random fan and then hit the game-winner.

The Lakers are now up 3-1 and the Suns are really, really angry. Thanks to more heroics, Kobe has pinned the Suns against a wall with their skirt up.

The Suns should be angry. The refs should be disgusted.


In other NBA news: The Kings beat the Spurs 102-84 Sunday after Ron Artest beat up the Spurs' starting five during pre-game warmups.

And we're out like disco

-Tampa goes with Davin Joseph, tackle, Oklahoma at No. 23 and the group at our draft party says in unison, "what the fuck?"

-Here's some big-name dudes still on the board:

• Winston Fucking Justice, USC
• Chad Jackson, Florida
• Aaron Rodgers, University of We Already Used That Joke
• Sinorice Moss, Miami
• Santonio Holmes, The Ohio State
• DeAngelo Williams, Memphis
• LenDale White, USC

We're gonna call it quits for the day. Four hours of live blogging people's names being called is remarkably tiring. Thanks for hanging out with us and eyeball fucking Suzy Kolber. Enjoy the rest of your day drinking and feel free to leave some comments to generate discussion.

Happy Draft Day! And goodbye Mr. Tagliabue. This is his swan song.

Corey Dillon must be pissed

-New England goes with Laurence Maroney, running back, Minnesota, making the Gopher the second running back taken. Seems strange with DeAngelo Williams and LenDale White still out there, but the Pats apparently know how to draft.

-Captial letters in the middle of a first name is pretty cool. We may try ZaCh out soon.

-Still big WRs on the board, a few good runningbacks and Winston Fucking Justice. Our 49ers are back on the clock and if they fuck this up, Vernon Davis may cry.

-And they go with Manny Lawson, defensive end, NC State. We wanted offense, but we like Lawson over a mid-tier cornerback. Years of drafting an average DB late in the first round who amounted to nothing was no fun. They're saying on the TV that Lawson slipped, so maybe he's good.

-So with Mario Williams and Lawson, why didn't NC State win more games?

Norv Turner update: 12:39 PST and he's still got a job. But Winston Justice may have made his first year in SF easier.

San Diego does not give a fuck if you played last year

-The Chargers pass up on Eli Manning and go with Antonio Cromartie, cornerback, Florida State. Jaws hates the pick -- in part because Cromartie didn't play last year -- but still Jaws is being a douche.

-Cromatie, pictured, was seen with a child on his lap. We think it's his, though it may be Matt Leinart's.

-Chris Berman is not a soothsayer -- he just gets the pick before we do.

-Kansas City decides to pick Tamba Hali at No. 20 and we don't know who he is. But Mel Kiper likes him.

-Mel just mentioned "great motor." Take 1 drink.

-Anyone else getting beer goggles going? Suzy Kolber is looking good! Guess now we know what Joe Namath was thinking.

-Still no WRs taken. Chad Jackson's butting his head against a wall.

-New England is on the clock...time for Tom Brady to get a new butt-buddy (receiver)?

Could Ohio State have uglier linebackers?

-No. 18 has Dallas snagging Bobby Carpenter, linebacker, The Ohio State.

-Here at The Big Picture headquarters, we think ESPN is doing a piss poor job of letting us know what's up with the upcoming picks. C'mon, give us and idea of who's coming or why Winston Justice is slipping.

-Trent Green looks old. Just for Men will be knocking on his door shortly.

-San Diego is on the clock...look for them to take Eli Manning...wait a sec.

Meet the new captain of the Love Boat

-At No. 17 the Vikes snag Chad Greenway who is really, really white. He may get mistaken for the wall in certain buildings. We don't know if he likes strippers and double-headed fuck toys, but we'll find out soon. We expect him to buddy up with Fred Smoot.

-Drinking game update: Berman has flubbed three lines (by our count) and we still haven't seen a war room. Take 4 drinks.

-Dallas is on the clock...why aren't we hearing Ed Werder?

No. 16: Cheech Marin

-Actually Miami goes with Jason Allen, cornerback, Tennessee. But we think Allen should carry on the legacy of Ricky Williams and sell dime bags to the Dolphins' front office. On second thought, bricks of coke would be cooler.

-Some guys who may be slipping:

• Winston Justice, USC
• Antonio Cromartie, FSU
  
• Chad Jackson, Florida
• Aaron Rodgers, Cal
• DeAngelo Williams, Memphis
• Aaron Rodgers, Cal

Minnesota is on the clock...if they draft a dildo, we'll be very pleased. Or maybe they'll just miss the pick.

Jets' fans update: 11:45 PST and we'll assume they're still pissed. At what? Doesn't matter.

Brodrick Bunkley has a cool name

-So no WR for the receiver-less Eagles. But the fans at Radio City Music Hall seemed joyous and Philly fans are rarely joyous.

-Three defensive players from FSU in the top-14. Yeah, Bobby Bowden pumps them out.

-We haven't heard nearly enough of Mel Kiper. Who's with us?

-If we see that Heineken Light commerical again, we're gonna throw one of our obnoxious female roommates out the fucking window. Eh, maybe both of them.

-And St. Louis goes with Tye Hill, cornerback, Clemson. We thought that was going to be Chad Greenway, linebacker, Iowa.

-Miami is on the clock...Ricky Williams will not be the pick. Williams is probably high right now.

Is it pronounced like Cameron?

-And Cleveland goes with Kamerion Wimbley, defenive end, Florida State. The TV guys are excited with the pick. Ok. We may have seen Mel Kiper throw on one of those dog masks.

-Cleveland seems like a team on the rise, though don't they need a QB?

-Trade updates: Denver gave up a third-rounder and Baltimore gave up a sixth-rounder for their respective trades. Speaking of sixth round, you should be on your sixth round of drinks by now. If anyone is drinking shitty beer, whiskey or tequila shots, please let us know. That's awesome!

-Philadelphia is on the clock...WR time.

In other news: We have word that Matt Leinart just had sex with some Arizona coed. We suspect that he raw-dogged it.

Another trade!

-Baltimore and Clevaland swap picks and spit and the Ravens come up to No. 12 and snag Haloti Ngata from Oregon.

-As UW fans, we're conditioned to hate Oregon. And we do. But best of luck to Ngata. We think he'll be good in Baltimore.

-Ngata is getting emotional with a friend. Male emotion is all right by us.

-We'll take this time to remind you that Ray Lewis killed somebody...with Ngata opening up holes on the O-line, Lewis may be metaphorically killing QBs next season.

-Our drinking game is slowing down...take this time to drown your drink, fill back up, say "Yahtzee" and, if you're like us and on the West Coast, remind yourself that it's only 11!

And we have a trade...

-Broncos trade up to No.11 and snag Jay Cutler, QB, team that lost to Middle Tennessee State. Cutler lucks out, getting to go to a good team in a fan-friendly environent.

-We think Cutler will be sorta like a Tim Couch, Ryan Leaf, etc. The guy never won at Vandy, so we don't think he'll win in the pros either. Just sayin'.

-As the NFL Draft drinking game suggest, Cutler went to Vandy, so he's smart. Take one drink.

-Details of the trade to come later, but we think Mike Shanahan owes a mediocre handjob to someone in the Rams' organization.

-Ron Jaworski is making us sick to our stomachs. So is drinking before 11 a.m.

-Cleveland is on the clock...

Another WR! Ok, fine.

-Detroit goes with Ernie Sims, OLB, Florida State. We think Sims is pretty cool -- he's probably done some hard drugs in Talahasse and perhaps wrestled a gator.

-Arizona is on the clock and Leinart is there. If he's not the pick here, Will at Deadspin may shoot himself, then whoever the Cardinals' GM is. (But he'd shoot the GM first...kinda hard to do much after you shoot yourself...logicstically and all).

-That was quick! Arizona wastes no time and snags a great QB. And now Leinart has Edge, Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. Shit. Watch out for Arizona.

-Leinart will be hollerin' at girls far hotter than this one pictured when in Scottsdale, Ariz. Welcome to the best years of your life, Matt. This should be fun.

-St. Louis is on the clock...Jay Cutler? Wait and see, folks.

Just when we're slowing down...U-turn

Some of the excitement has died down, but we're still going strong...

-The Raiders don't fill their QB need and go with Michael Huff, defensive back, Texas. Charles Woodson anyone?

-No trades yet. Denver coming up to No. 8 to snag Matthew Leinart? Hmm...

-As our drinking pals just noted, Tom Jackson has a very large forehead.

-Kiper just mentioned two-gapper. Take 2 drinks and go plug your woman's two-gap.

-Again, Stubley McStublerson (that's Leinart -- you know, he has stubble) looks nervous. Perhaps he's regretting raw-dogging it last night with that street girl.

-Donte Whitner goes to Buffalo. Ugh, why?

-Detroit is on the clock...Santanio Holmes/Sinorice Moss/Chad Jackson, welcome to the Motor City.