Thursday, November 30, 2006

Nick Lachey likes wood

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we in the newspaper business call a misleading headline. But hey, this is a satirical site, so hell, while we're at it: Nick Lachey likes long sticks. See, satire is fun!

As it turns out (and this is where being truly observant pays offs), Nich Lachey of Jessica Simpson -- and absolutely no other -- fame, is wearing a Tacoma Rainiers jersey and has become a part owner of the team. The Rainiers, who are named after the mountain, we presume, opposed to the beer, are a Seattle Mariners affiliate.

So a guy who was married to a hot chick partially buys a AAA team. Puzzled? Yeah, that's the emotion we think we're feeling.

For starters, Lachey isn't from Tacoma, "the waterfront city 30 mile south of Seattle," as the SI article says.

(Being Seattleites, we're somewhat familiar with Tacoma. And we can think of a few euphemisms slightly more fitting than "waterfront city." Like: TacTown, the ghetto and the waterfront city drowning in the blood of gang violence. Tacoma, by the way, looks like this.)

Considering what you now know about TacTown, let's review:

Lachey likes baseball. OK. Lachey likes baseball enough to invest in a minor league team. Still OK. Lachey, a Reds fan, becomes 1/3 owner of a Mariners team. Less OK, but still tolerable. Lachey has no Washington state ties, but has performed at the Tacoma Dome. Weird, but OK. Lachey buys into team from TacTown.

About the only thing missing here is Matthew McConaughey's impending involvement.

By the way, Jenny from PR just bought some blow with her bonus from this big-time public relations move. Expect her new house to be in "the waterfront city 30 miles south of Seattle."

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

So, basically ... Jessica Simpson bought a AAA baseball team?

schlik1 said...

did you know there did used to be a team that was sponsored by the Ranier brewery in Seattleand played in the negro leagues?

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

that's awesomoe, schlik. it's like something out of The Simpsons.

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I have read through one history
Each of you has your personal story; it is your history. Keeping a diary or writing your feelings in a special notebook is a wonderful way to learn how to think and write about who you are -- to develop your own identity and voice.

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