Thursday, November 30, 2006

Nick Lachey likes wood

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we in the newspaper business call a misleading headline. But hey, this is a satirical site, so hell, while we're at it: Nick Lachey likes long sticks. See, satire is fun!

As it turns out (and this is where being truly observant pays offs), Nich Lachey of Jessica Simpson -- and absolutely no other -- fame, is wearing a Tacoma Rainiers jersey and has become a part owner of the team. The Rainiers, who are named after the mountain, we presume, opposed to the beer, are a Seattle Mariners affiliate.

So a guy who was married to a hot chick partially buys a AAA team. Puzzled? Yeah, that's the emotion we think we're feeling.

For starters, Lachey isn't from Tacoma, "the waterfront city 30 mile south of Seattle," as the SI article says.

(Being Seattleites, we're somewhat familiar with Tacoma. And we can think of a few euphemisms slightly more fitting than "waterfront city." Like: TacTown, the ghetto and the waterfront city drowning in the blood of gang violence. Tacoma, by the way, looks like this.)

Considering what you now know about TacTown, let's review:

Lachey likes baseball. OK. Lachey likes baseball enough to invest in a minor league team. Still OK. Lachey, a Reds fan, becomes 1/3 owner of a Mariners team. Less OK, but still tolerable. Lachey has no Washington state ties, but has performed at the Tacoma Dome. Weird, but OK. Lachey buys into team from TacTown.

About the only thing missing here is Matthew McConaughey's impending involvement.

By the way, Jenny from PR just bought some blow with her bonus from this big-time public relations move. Expect her new house to be in "the waterfront city 30 miles south of Seattle."


Anonymous said...

So, basically ... Jessica Simpson bought a AAA baseball team?

schlik1 said...

did you know there did used to be a team that was sponsored by the Ranier brewery in Seattleand played in the negro leagues?

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

that's awesomoe, schlik. it's like something out of The Simpsons.

Anonymous said...

Good afternoon many have machines which not insuranced,
you have a unique opportunity only today to receive insurance the machine free of charge
[url= ]auto insurance[/url]
[url= ]auto insurance[/url]
[url= ]cars insurance[/url]
[url= ]cars insurance[/url]
[url= ]texas car insurance[/url]
[url= ]texas car insurance[/url]
[url= ]car insurance quotes[/url]
[url= ]car insurance quotes[/url]
[url= ]car insurance policy[/url]
[url= ]car insurance policy[/url]
[url= ]xanax[/url]
[url= ]phentermine[/url]
[url= ]buy tramadol[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hi people
I do not know what to give for Christmas of the to friends, advise something ....

Anonymous said...

Hello. Good day
Who listens to what music?
I Love songs Justin Timberlake and Paris Hilton

Anonymous said...

Mmm my sweety private weblink collection. I hope you enjoy it !
ass parade
naruto xxx

About Christmas
merry christmas

Anonymous said...

Hello. Prompt how to get acquainted with the girl it to me to like. But does not know about it
I have read through one history
Each of you has your personal story; it is your history. Keeping a diary or writing your feelings in a special notebook is a wonderful way to learn how to think and write about who you are -- to develop your own identity and voice.

People of all ages are able to do this. Your own history is special because of your circumstances: your cultural, racial, religious or ethnic background. Your story is also part of human history, a part of the story of the dignity and worth of all human beings. By putting opinions and thoughts into words, you, too, can give voice to your inner self and strivings.

A long entry by Anne Frank on April 5, 1944, written after more than a year and a half of hiding from the Nazis, describes the range of emotions 14-year-old Anne is experiencing:

". . . but the moment I was alone I knew I was going to cry my eyes out. I slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers, very fervently. Then I drew my knees to my chest, lay my head on my arms and cried, all huddled up on the bare floor. A loud sob brought me back down to earth, and I choked back my tears, since I didn't want anyone next door to hear me . . .

"And now it's really over. I finally realized that I must do my school work to keep from being ignorant, to get on in life, to become a journalist, because that's what I want! I know I can write. A few of my stories are good, my descriptions of the Secret Annex are humorous, much of my diary is vivid and alive, but . . . it remains to be seen whether I really have talent . . .

"When I write I can shake off all my cares. My sorrow disappears, my spirits are revived! But, and that's a big question, will I ever be able to write something great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer? I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, because writing allows me to record everything, all my thoughts, ideals and fantasies.

"I haven't worked on Cady's Life for ages. In my mind I've worked out exactly what happens next, but the story doesn't seem to be coming along very well. I might never finish it, and it'll wind up in the wastepaper basket or the stove. That's a horrible thought, but then I say to myself, "At the age of 14 and with so little experience, you can't write about philosophy.' So onward and upward, with renewed spirits. It'll all work out, because I'm determined to write! Yours, Anne M. Frank

For those of you interested in readinted in reading some of Anne Frank's first stories and essays, including a version of Cady's Life, see Tales From the Secret Annex (Doubleday, 1996). Next: Reviewing and revising your writing

Anonymous said...

Excellent blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers?
I'm hoping to start my own website soon but I'm a little lost on everything.
Would you advise starting with a free platform like
Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are so many
choices out there that I'm completely confused .. Any suggestions?
Appreciate it!

my website; vimax morningstar ratings explained