Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The Dennis Green Survival Rating

We're running a new feature here at The Big Picture, called the Dennis Green Survival Rating. Because Green's chair is so ass-burning hot, we thought we'd take a weekly look at how Green is surviving as coach of the Arizona Cardinals.

Much like EDSBS's Chuck Amato Survival Meter, the Dennis Green Survival Rating will analyze just how screwed Green is by comparing him to royalty. Why royalty? Because, "if you want to crown 'em, crown their ass." When Green reaches the "King" level, he's as good as fired.

Green is on a bit of an upswing this week after the Cardinals were idle this past weekend. The Cardinals didn't lose on their bye (we think), so Green's job is safe for now.

We gave Green a Queen Level Ranking last week after deciding they didn't want to compete against Green Bay. But Green was given a nod of confidence and was told he will not be fired this season.

We don't buy that for a second, but still, Green's job is safe for now. With the new-found job security, we'll bump Green down to the Prince Level.

There's no way Green is Prince Charming. He's certainly not charming in a press conference, though he is wildly entertaining. Denny is more like the Frog Prince.

Green perhaps will ribbit and croak on the sidelines the remainder of the season, but until the Bidwell family understands that the Arizona Cardinals are in more trouble than (enter your favorite Cincinnati Bengals player here), Green is safe...and his survival rating is going the right direction.

1 comment:

twins15 said...

If only the Cardinals could have bye weeks every week.