Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Cam Cameron is not on the hot seat

I'm fucked. I was fucked since birth. Who names their child Cam Cameron? You know what Cam is commonly short for? Cameron. Yeah. My parents named me Cameron Cameron. I mean what the fuck? Are they kidding?

John Johnson is bad. Matt Matthews is stupid. Dick Dickson sounds like a pornstar. But Cameron Cameron? I was never given a chance.

And now I can't win a football game. Maybe it's because I have the fucking stupidest name in the history of time. Maybe it's because Ronnie Brown's hurt. Maybe it's because Cleo Lemon is now my starting quarterback. Cleo Lemon! Why don't I just cut off my arms and try to get a job as a tennis instructor.

Hey, I'd make a great tennis instructor. People love tennis. Especially rich, white people. Like me. I'd be awesome at teaching tennis. I'd tell people they'll be like the next Andre Agassi or Steffi Graf or whoever the fuck it is that plays tennis these days. And it may be an empty promise, but that's OK. It's all about confidence. You gotta sell it, baby.

And I'm confident that my job is secure. So what that we're 0-10? C'mon, it's Miami. People have more important shit to do than bitch about a football team. There are clubs and beaches and blow and people Rollerblade. Rollerblading is new to me, but I think I'll come to enjoy it.

It's a good thing I'm not Mangini. I'd be pissing myself if I was Mangini. And pissing myself because I'm nervous. Not because it's Wednesday. That New York media is harsh. They'd tear your new asshole a family of new assholes.

I like it here in Miami. We'll win sooner rather than later. People will get confused that Cleo Lemon is black and overplay the run, setting up the pass. Yeah. Play action. I'm a fucking offensive genius. I'll turn Lemon in to the next fucking Marino. And we get the Jets in two weeks. When we beat them, then Mangini will really piss himself.

Mangini's a pretty silly name. But Cameron Cameron? Fuck.

5 comments:

flohtingPoint said...

What makes everything worse is the division... If you cant muster out one win in four games (Bills and Jets twice), then you might as well stamp moron on your head.

The Cleo Lemon thing is pretty bad thought too... Wanna talk about a man that got screwed? Try being named Cleo. Even Tarararvarisr is better.

GMoney said...

Not to be a giant douche to Cameron, but he started John Beck this week...no wonder they are 0-10. He doesn't even know who his QB is.

JMC said...

I mean, who needs Brady Quinn when you have such highly touted talent as John Beck and Cleo Lemon? How's that Ted Ginn Jr pick workin out Cam?

Simon said...

Malcolm is his name... so he probably did the smart thing and went with the nickname 'Cam'... but ya his team blows. Sad thing is that Norv is doing a worse job. Atleast we all expected the Dolphins to suck.

Dave said...

Yeah, Quinn is doing a wonderful job in Cleveland. Rookie of the year..for sure.

As for Ginn, he's got two Td's so far and two were called back because of penalties. It's not his fault that he had Cleo Lemon "throwing" to him for about 5 weeks.