Thursday, July 13, 2006

NL Players Throw Tantrum, Decide to Quit

A day after losing the All-Star game due to a blown save by Trevor Hoffman, the National League players decided to quit the 2006 season and award the World Series to the American League.

“I mean, what’s the point?” said NL manager Phil Garner, “The team that wins the NLCS is just going to get swept by the White Sox, or Tigers, or whoever.”

The National League last won the All-Star game in 1938 1996, and have lost 9 and tied 1 since. They also have lost 6 of the last 9 World Series’ and got dominated in interleague play this season.

“It’s not fair!” wailed NL All-Star Dan Uggla. “The American League gets everything their way! They always win, and they’re really mean! Plus, I didn’t even get to play!”

In a surprising move, the players in the National League decided to vote whether or not to continue competing this season. The Mets and Cardinals were the only teams that voted to keep playing.

“This is really shocking. I can’t believe the NL lost, because they’re usually the better league,” said moron Fox analyst Tim McCarver. In more sad news, the All-Star game and World Series will continue to be broadcast on Fox for some time to come. “You’re stuck with us for the next 7 years” said Joe Buck, in a quote that is real.

After the game, A.J. Pierzynski was seen mooning the NL clubhouse and saying “na na na na na na.” Nomar Garciaparra locked himself in the bathroom and stated that he wouldn’t come out until Michael Young apologized for getting the game winning hit. NL pitcher Bronson Arroyo then sang a shitty blues song, and stated “If only Mike Piazza and Scott Spezio were here, we could really rock out.”

The American League players were disappointed, but not surprised to hear the news. They plan to continue to play and will crown a World Series champion at the culmination of the ALCS.

-Jamie Costello


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