She's smart, sweet and delicious on pancakes. You could say that Mrs. Butterworth would be delicious with some Mrs. Butterworth's on her.
And while Mrs. B's bottle is a little more PC than it used to be, Aunt Jemima -- quite the looker herself -- is a bit behind the curve. Kinda like the Washington Redskins-equivalent for maple syrup.
Breakfast is our second least favorite meal of the day, only ahead of fourth meal, which is the stupidest fucking ad campaign in advertising. We eat like six meals by eight o'clock, so don't tell us to think outside of the bun when we're drunk and horny late at night.
Meanwhile, eggs are boring, oatmeal is like eating cement and cereal was much more fun when you were 7 and had your pick between a cartoon tiger, leprechaun or bunny.
We don't understand MySpace and the Facebook. It's neat to stay in touch with friends and see pictures; social networking sites are fantastic for that.
But then there are those people who play on these sites for hours. Like what the fuck do you do? It's not like a video game where you advance to the next level.
And the people who update their "status" letting you know that they're studying, taking a shit, or making sweet love to Mrs. Butterworth? Fuck that.
Usually we have no problem with ESPN. It still has the best coverage of games of any network. It has solid play-by-play guys, decent color commentators and the hottest pieces of ass roaming the sidelines.
Yet there are times where the network's self-promotion is bothersome. Take for example Wednesday night on College Game Night. Before showing highlights of what must've been a great game between The U and Duke, we got to see highlights of the blowout victories of Memphis and Tennessee and then a preview of that game, which conveniently, ESPN is carrying Saturday. That's a serious lack of news judgment.
Oh, and 1st and 10 is perhaps the worst 30 minutes of television since the invention of cable. How nobody has cut out Skip Bayless' tongue is mind-boggling.
We forgot how to sleep.
We'll be tired all day, be ready to go to sleep at 10 and then get a second wind, stay up until two, get in bed, and fall asleep at three.
And naturally, wake up at nine, tired, yet able to fall back asleep.
We need some Ambien, big time.
Hey, Oscars Sunday. Who ya got?
Here's what we want:
Best Picture: There Will Be Blood or No Country for Old Men -- if it's Atonement, that'd be criminal.
Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Actress: Fuck cares?
Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem, No Country
Supporting Actress: This is still an award?
The first of many pornos we'll direct/co-star will be called, "No Cunt-ry For Small Men."