Tuesday, January 29, 2008

What Really Grinds My Gears

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears (named after the segment on Family Guy, of course) is a new feature that will run whenever the fuck we want it to...but usually on a slow news day. It will focus on those pet peeves that, well, really grind your gears. It likely won't be sports-related. Fuck sports. This isn't a sports blog anyway...Oh. Right. Um, yeah, we'll see about making them sports-related. If you have any suggestions -- or would even like to guest write one! -- send your submissions to zachls5@gmail.com or Ballhype us or something Internet-y like that.

You know what really grinds my gears? People who write dashes instead of swear words, like f--- or sh--.

That's bullshit. I know what you're saying. What do those dashes do that the actual letters don't? It's like if I wrote, "I went to t-- store to buy some m--k." It doesn't make any fucking sense.

I've often seen headlines in newspaper or on websites that read something like, "Brady is a real b-tch," or "Manning is a f---ing douchenob." The article or whatever then proceeds to swear like Billy Bob Thorton in Bad Santa. That makes as much sense as Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End. If you're going to use naughty language in the body of the story, why avoid it in the headline?

It's not that swearing is a good thing. I'm the last person to condone that shit. But if you're going to swear, come out and say it. Your dashes don't fool me, man. I'm easily fooled, but I'm not falling for you game this time.

So liberate yourself. Speak your mind. Say the real words. It'll make everybody feel better. No secrets, no dirty laundry, no holding back. Let yourself go. The world will be a better place.


rstiles said...

You are so F---ing right Z-ch....that motherf---cking sh-t is s--ks

Pe-ple who do th-t are not-ing but a low-life, yell-wbelly, f---ing tw-t...

alan said...

You know what really grinds my gears? On a newscast when they say so-and-so made a "vulgar gesture" and they show it, but they pixilate the middle finger on the hand, as though everyone doesn't know what happened.

GMoney said...

You are absolutely right, At World's End sucked. I watched it this past weekend and fell asleep twice. Are we supposed to believe that Keira Knightley can lead a group of pirates? That they would respect her? Why didn't they show us how she earned their respect by blowing the fleet? And what the fuck was up with that Calypso shit? We all got our wish by watching Orlando Bloom die, why did they ruin it?

Oh yeah, go f--- yourse--.

Jack Gonzo, MD said...

j-s-s f-ck--g -hr__t I hate those people.

The problem I had with At World's End was that those Pirates were running through Keira like it was opening day at Splash Mountain.

Ray said...


Chris said...

man, i just knew everyone was gonna post the same comment with cleverly placed dashes.

glad to see I still know everything.

Huge C-ck said...

f--k yo- ch--s