Monday, January 14, 2008
What Really Grinds My Gears
You Know What Really Grinds My Gears (named after the segment on Family Guy, of course) is a new feature that will run whenever the fuck we want it to...but usually on a slow news day. It will focus on those pet peeves that, well, really grind your gears. It likely won't be sports-related. Fuck sports. This isn't a sports blog anyway...Oh. Right. Um, yeah, we'll see about making them sports-related. If you have any suggestions -- or would even like to guest write one! -- send your submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org or Ballhype us or something Internet-y like that.
You know what really grinds my gears? These new game shows.
TV programming is getting butt slammed by the writer's strike, so networks are turning towards cheap, easy-to-produce television which has resulted in the stupidest fucking shows ever. (Note: I haven't watched any of them, I'm simply playing the odds, inherently knowing that watching porn with six other dudes would be more enjoyable than watching 1 vs. 100).
Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? Who the fuck are you to ask me that, FOX? Is the sky blue? Is your shit brown? I'm in fucking 18th grade, if such a thing existed. I'm smarter than a fucking 7th grader at least, asshole.
There's also Duel, which is hosted by Mike Greenberg. Super.
And CBS' Power of 10 is actually about my cock.
This new wave of primetime game shows is dragging the good name of classic game shows through the dirt. Remember the good ol' days of Family Feud (not the version with Louie Anderson. He's more annoying than hangnails. Ray Combs was the fucking man!), The $10,000 Pyramid and the original The Price is Right? Those shows were a.) awesome and b.) not in fucking primetime. I could watch those when I was sick and stayed home from school and then I could watch my fucking 90210 and Seinfeld at night, when real TV is supposed to be on.
These writers on strike are really bending over the collective TV audience. They fucking grind my gears as much as the shitty programming that's a result.
The answer to all of this is really porn. Just go out and rent lots of pornography. Or watch sports, which has always been the best game show of them all.