Monday, January 14, 2008

What Really Grinds My Gears

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears (named after the segment on Family Guy, of course) is a new feature that will run whenever the fuck we want it to...but usually on a slow news day. It will focus on those pet peeves that, well, really grind your gears. It likely won't be sports-related. Fuck sports. This isn't a sports blog anyway...Oh. Right. Um, yeah, we'll see about making them sports-related. If you have any suggestions -- or would even like to guest write one! -- send your submissions to or Ballhype us or something Internet-y like that.

You know what really grinds my gears? These new game shows.

TV programming is getting butt slammed by the writer's strike, so networks are turning towards cheap, easy-to-produce television which has resulted in the stupidest fucking shows ever. (Note: I haven't watched any of them, I'm simply playing the odds, inherently knowing that watching porn with six other dudes would be more enjoyable than watching 1 vs. 100).

Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? Who the fuck are you to ask me that, FOX? Is the sky blue? Is your shit brown? I'm in fucking 18th grade, if such a thing existed. I'm smarter than a fucking 7th grader at least, asshole.

There's also Duel, which is hosted by Mike Greenberg. Super.

And CBS' Power of 10 is actually about my cock.

This new wave of primetime game shows is dragging the good name of classic game shows through the dirt. Remember the good ol' days of Family Feud (not the version with Louie Anderson. He's more annoying than hangnails. Ray Combs was the fucking man!), The $10,000 Pyramid and the original The Price is Right? Those shows were a.) awesome and b.) not in fucking primetime. I could watch those when I was sick and stayed home from school and then I could watch my fucking 90210 and Seinfeld at night, when real TV is supposed to be on.

These writers on strike are really bending over the collective TV audience. They fucking grind my gears as much as the shitty programming that's a result.

The answer to all of this is really porn. Just go out and rent lots of pornography. Or watch sports, which has always been the best game show of them all.


rstiles said...

I hear ya...these game shows are stupid...

Here are some new game shows they should come up with:
- Does your wife's pussy stink?
The husband gets hooked up to a lie detector and must tell whether his wife's twat smells..

- Guess the cup size?
You blind fold two guys and have them feel up a woman's jugs...they must then guess the cup size

Bokolis said...

I was partial to the Richard Dawson version. Between Family Feud and Match Game, that cat got more sugar than (blank). It must have been a good deal to be running around SoCal in the 70s.

You can thank all those who are more interested in the plight of others than living their own lives for this reality craze.

May I suggest a Survivor where the contestants are allowed to kill one another?

How about a "Fuck, Marry, Kill" where you have to carry out the acts?

Mr. Brown said...

You know what grinds my gears? When I drop a turd and water splashes into my agape asshole. How annoying!

GMoney said...

Fuck you, Zach, the Louie Anderson Era of the Feud was the best. His self-depricating comedic style always brought a smail to my face.

Peter said...

Here's what grinds my gears. E-mail signatures with lame ass quotes like this one I just received:
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but it's too short not to dance!!!


If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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Ugly Debty said...

LOL! Just found your blog and thought it was great. Put a smile on my face. Cheers.

Hugh Jorgan said...

Deal or no Deal:stupefyingly putrid.Howie Mandel's act is wearing thin.The contestants make the audience in the original Let's Make a Deal sound like Stephen Freaking Hawking.Bob Barker's gotta be chomping at the bit to get back.

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