Wednesday, April 25, 2007

This player is no player

Let's play make believe for a minute. You're 6-8, 260. Your ding-dong is probably the size of my forearm. You make a salary somewhere in the seven figures. You're famous. A girl comes up to you in a bar and proclaims that you're her favorite player. You chat her up for a few minutes and later, when she says goodbye to you, you ask for and get her number. You call her up later that night and pick her up in your Escalade. You end up back at her place. You kick it with her for a while. You end up on her bed. Chances are, you're gonna score, right? Well, not if you're Danny Fortson.

That's right, Mr. Fortson, of NBA notoriety employment, apparently has no game.

You see, the story above is a true one, and it's about Danny. It took place not long ago in Seattle, and the tale was told to me by the girl in question, a friend of mine who I saw while visiting Zach in Seattle a few weeks ago.

Now we knew that Danny doesn't have much game on the court, and now we know he doesn't have much off the court either. Seriously, even if the girl is really hot, which she is, if you play in the NBA, make millions of dollars a year, and are hung like a Clydesdale, you should be able to get with pretty much any girl you want to. Especially one who approaches you in a bar. So sorry Danny, I guess she's not a jersey chaser. Better luck next time.

9 comments:

rstiles said...

FUCK!!!....is that her!!!

Wow, she has some nice titties....plus I love the red hair and adorable smile

Damn...Fortson has all this God given talent and he doesn't use it on the court nor in the sack...with my brains in Fortson's body, I would be an All-Star and scoring with HOT RED-HAIRED chicks all the time!!

rstiles said...

Hey Zach....I'll fly up to Seattle and party with this red-head!!!

flubby said...

Fortson played for Cincinnati, so he's among my sworn enemies. But unless there is more to this story-- and there probably is-- it sounds like this Joan Osbourne lookalike is a Hall of Fame caliber cocktease.

WastingCompanyTime6 said...

yah there has got to be more to this story. How did he end up in bed with her and not hit it?

Anonymous said...

FIRST OF ALL.... he was not IN my bed... he was sitting ON it talking to me AND my friend. And seriously, Joan Osbourne?? I've heard Deborah Messing- and even Fergie and JLO- but Joan Osbourne?? That's new... And you can't take a girl seriously when she says you're her favorite cuz of the pigtails. ;)

Anonymous said...

oh AND the "more" part to this story probably involves a wife and kids.... he was a total gentleman :)
ps. he does look hot in that picture above, you must agree! haha

rstiles said...

Hey sweetie

All I know you are one fine looking lady!!!

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

stiles,

believe it or not, i've never met her. it's my buddy's friend. though her former sorority sister was a friend of mine, so maybe we can swing some things...

JMC said...

so we've learned today that:
a) I'm friends with a hot girl
b) Danny Fortson is a gentlemen.
c) I consider myself a gentleman also
d) neither Danny nor I have scored with said hot girl

ergo...

nice guys finish last