Tuesday, April 03, 2007

'The Beer Games': Coming soon to a city near you

All those college sports out there -- especially the small ones like lacrosse, rugby, swimming, etc -- are just so unrepresentative of college. Especially when ESPN covers them.

What do college kids do? Study, drink, talk about banging, drink, eye-fuck the shit out of girls while drinking, the three S's (shit, shower, shave) while drinking, go to class (sometimes drunk), order pizza (often when drunk, high or perhaps both) and then drink some more.

Our heat-packing amigos at Flyers Fieldhouse are on to this. So they've proposed the wonderful idea of the Beer Games.
The Beer Games will be a celebration of the today's superstars in alcoholism, drunken debauchery, and shameless depravity. Think X Games. With beer. And no snow. And actual entertainment.For those that attended a college that was fun (i.e. anything bub Bob Jones), I'm guessing someone probably floated the idea around of broadcasting your block parties' flip cup tournament. Another person most likely called a beer pong game with a lot of rebuttals an "instant classic."
We'll challenge anyone to a game of beer pong. We are the fucking ballz at beer pong. But don't bring your bullshit to our house. On our court, here's how we play:

-Six cups (preferably Solo brand).
-Two re-racks (call 'em when you want 'em).
-Both partners hit the shot, you get the balls back.
-Bouncing it in equals two cups, but you can slap the ball away once it hits the table, of course.
-Smack-talking's cool, but don't dishonor the game by using physical distractions to alter shot (like mooning the other team, for example).
-You better have those cups perfectly touching. If one's tilted up on another, you're dishonoring the game.
-Above all, beer pong is a game of honor. Remember that.

One of the best things about beer pong though is the many variations. We once walked in to the Sigma Chi house at the University of Pacific and played some 'pong. Their rules belonged on the fucking short bus, but nevertheless, we ran through them like Tom Brady through girlfriends.

It's important to note that the "home court" team calls the rules. Don't walk into another man's house and try to make the rules. That's dishonoring the game. On a "neutral court," discuss the ground rules before, sorta like the umpires/coaches at a baseball game.

So who wants to play? The Beer Games are coming to a college town near you soon. (Or they should). Watch out for the bounce...

And feel free to leave your preferential rules for beer pong in the comments. With collective thinking, you can bring a new version to your hometown. And then beat the fuck out of the other team. Honorably, of course.

15 comments:

The Intern said...

Thanks for the link, Zach. I can allow two re-racks. My younger brother proposed a rule like NBA Jam, that says if you hit three shots in a row, you're officially "on fire" and can keep shooting until you miss. I don't know how I feel about this, as it might lead to an MLB situation where the strong only get stronger.

JMC said...

I once played some bullshit game where there were like 20 of these tiny as cups, and if you missed off the end of the table you had to drink on of your own. Bullshit. Who did these people think they were?

JMC said...

make that "tiny ASS cups"

JMC said...

and make that "ONE of your own"

venu said...

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GMoney said...

Hey, fuck you, Venu. Don't tell me what to do.

Couldn't agree more, pong rules.

DBaller said...

Zach and Adam I know you two remember when Marthinsen and I took you down in my first game ever. I heard the same hype you just wrote, but I missed the results. Take care buddies. By the way NBA Jam is the way to play.

Signal to Noise said...

I still have trophies from beer pong tourneys in college. I am all for this. We used a form of Intern's NBA Jam rule, and if you lost, every person on the losing team had to chug a warm non-alkie beer.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

ball, that was an epic game. remember it forever.

The Navigator said...

jmc - I went to a school with some of the rules you mentioned (I went to Lehigh). We played 3 on 3, 9-ounce cups, 15-cup pyramid with two satellites on the side, and we replaced empty cups (if you hit an empty, you had to pull one of your own). When I first started playing these rules, I thought it was pretty stupid, but once you're used to them they're actually real fun.

And my home rules are the same as Zach's, except 10 cups.

Marco said...

You have to go 12 cups my man....the point is to get drunk right?

Marco said...

Who here is a fan of 100 cup? Now that is the best way to spend a Saturday afternoon

larrybrownsports.com said...

point of clarification, eye fucking the shit out of girls is not limited to drunken instances, thank you very much.

btownjew said...

we play 10 cup with 3 reracks whenever. Live ball is fun but it can only be played if you have a lrge space.
I remember that shining victory over the Schnurs at Ball and My hands. Let us know if you wanna get scraped again.

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