Monday, April 30, 2007

Paul Tagliabue's awful critcal of Roger Goodell's first draft

Former NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue wasn't at the podium for the NFL Draft for the first time in years. We're guessing that didn't sit well with him.

Here's likely what it would've sounded like watching the weekend's action with Tags and hearing Roger Goodell announce the picks at the NFL Draft...

OK, Raider fans. With the first pick in 2007 NFL Draft...

OK, Raider fans?! OK, Raider fans! Are you fucking serious? Are we at a rock 'n' roll concert, Rog? Heelllooo New York, who's ready to rock!?!?!?. Fuckin' tool.

And smile, bitch. It's not your job to look all tough and shit. Jamarcus is doing a fine job of that next to you. Put on your happy face. This isn't a fucking prison sentence. It's the draft. Show some teeth.

With the second pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions take wide receiver Calvin Johnson...

They take? TAKE?! You don't fucking take a player, Rog. You take smack. You select a player.

With the third pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns select left tackle Joe Thomas, Wisconsin.

OK, you got the take bullshit straightened out. Good. That's a start. But get the order right, cocksucker. Name, position, school. Not position, name, school. That's more backwards than that fucking Pacman fiasco.

And play up the pick. This is your time in the limelight, sweetheart. You're putting on a fucking show. Don't spoil the pick by telling us the position first. Surprise the crowd by saying the name before the position.

With the ninth pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the Miami Dolphins select wide receiver Ted Ginn, Ohio State.

No "um?!" No "ugh?!" You fucking smooth-talking motherfucker. It should sound like this: "Um, with the, ugh, ninth pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the ugh Miami Dolphins select, um Ted Ginn, wide receiver, Ohio State.

Get your act together, bitch. Or I'm comin' back.


rstiles said...

I liked Goodell's little comments instead of just reading the names...

BTW, I saw the our girl Candace Parker was rated one of the 100 most beautiful people by People Magazine...that needs to go on her resume

GMoney said...

Gene Washington starting Day 2 saying that the "LA Raiders are on the clock" was priceless.

mookie said...

I think at 1 point, goodell said "with the (number) pick of the 2000 NFL Draft. Hilarious

JMC said...

all in all I thought Goodell was pretty good. I liked how he said shit like "ok raiders fans."

Marco said...

Gmoney - That guy saying "LA Raiders" made the entire draft for me

Mini Me said...

That was annoying every time he kept saying Ok Raiders fans. Or hey Cowboys fans. Just shut up and give us the pick.

insomniac said...

Anything that takes airtime away from Berman works for me.

mookie said...

I think the funniest thing Goodell could do is go like this: "OK Seahawk fans, with the 32nd pick of the 2008 NFL draft, the Seattle Seahawks select................ we'll find out, after the break!"

That would be classic.

the butler said...

What a douchebag.

He should suspend himself for compromising the integrity of the League.

McBain said...

Goodell is going to suspend Gene Washington for fucking up and saying LA.

NFL Adam said...

He did have some flubs. Damn that dude is wound tight.

bankmeister said...

Pretty sure Rozy & Tags used to say position first more often than not.

Anonymous said...

Tags would alternate the order of position and name too. I like the position first, especially if its a shocking pick. Makes the booing of fans more fun, especially since they still don't know who the team actually chose.

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