Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Brad Lidge's visit with his shrink

Doc: How are you feeling, Brad.
Brad: How do you think I'm feeling?
Doc: It's good to talk about your emotions.
Brad: You want emotion?! I'll give you some emotion.

(Shrink checks watch)

Doc: Talk about your day Monday.
Brad: I woke up. Too early. Had eggs for breakfast, a protein shake. Thought about bacon, but thought better of it.
Doc: You can pass over the minute details, Brad.
Brad: I knew something was wrong the minute I got up. Same body. Same face. Same, um, ya know.
Doc: Go on.
Brad: I just...
Doc: It's OK.
Brad: I knew right away. Before I even got to the ballpark.
Doc: What happened when you got there?
Brad: Coach G. called me into his office.
Doc: What'd he say?
Brad: Right away he had that look on his face. It was too still. Like something bad had happened. Then he said it.

(Shrink checks watch)

Doc: Continue.
Doc: Talk about your feelings right then.
Brad: I wanted to lean across the table and rip that fucking mustache off his face. I wanted to to take my 95+ MPH heat to his balls...but I didn't...I just sat there. I nodded. I stood up and left.
Doc: How's your relationship with Dan?
Brad: I hate him.
Doc: You don't mean that. Just because he rubbed it in a little...
Brad: I want him to fail. Go up in flames. That's my job and I want it back.

(Shrink checks watch)

Doc: We're making progress.
Brad: You're making progress, Doc. I just lost my fucking job.
Doc: We're taking strides today, Brad.
Brad: Whatev.
Doc: I think we're ready to start talking about your mother.
Brad: She was a whore and you know it.

(Shrink checks watch)

Doc: This is going to help you get back on track. We've had a good talk today.
Brad: Doc, I'm a loose fucking cannon. I just hinted that I wanted to kill my manager. I don't think that's healthy.
Doc: Emotion is healthy. You're expressing your feelings.
Brad: So what happens if I don't get my job back?
Doc: Then I'll prescribe something stronger.
Brad: Can't you do that anyway?


I Know we suck said...

I think I just saw the ball Pujols hit in the NLCS fly over me in Raleigh in a Low Earth Orbit

rstiles said...

Brad Lidge - the new Mitch Williams

Mini Me said...

Brad: She was a whore and you know it.

Yea and Albert Pujols is her pimp.

TheNaturalMevs said...

Wheeler is going to end up being a real good closer for a couple years for these guys. To think they ran Octavio Dotel and Billy Wagner out of town for this right handed Mitch Williams!

Spencer Engel said...

I hope Lidge has a degree to fall back on.

Anonymous said...

this is really mean, you should delete it. Brad is a really nice guy and you shouldn't write mean stuff like this.