Monday, June 19, 2006

Greatings Seattle!

– Welcome to the Big Picture.

Zach is away for the week teaching Aborigines how to blog and The Hater Nation has been selected to host today. Some peole make the world a better place, others make jokes about Cowgirl. Most of you might be familiar with the website, a favorite of OC Register columnist Steve "the Bish" Bisheff. But for those of you who are not, The Hater Nation is just like the Big Picture, without all of the f-bombs. And crippling porn addiction.

A THN Monday tradition is the Post Mortem — a weekend wrap-up of the happenings. This will be special Big Picture edition with all new material for all of you U Dub types who, since you have a football team, could care less about college baseball. Instead, we’ll start with the Stanley Cup, the NBA Finals and the World Cup.

Just kidding, come back, come back. No, it’s time to open this up with some boobs:

  • Maybe there was something to the theory expounded by Ben Wright who said that the boobs get in the way. How else could you describe the demise of Colin Montgomerie and Phil Mickelson who completely choked down the stretch? So much for the "Mickelslam." And it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, too. Mickelson’s nickname on the tour is FIG JAM (F*** I’m Good, Just Ask Me). Mickelson’s act is as transparent as Cris Carter’s nice guy rep in the NFL.
  • But it’s good to see Mickelson back where he belongs—choking. The new Mickelson had become quite unsettling. Like watching Peyton Manning win a big game or something. The only shame in all of this is that it wasn’t Tiger Woods putting him back in his place, just his own incompetence.
  • The mental image we have for Zach is Breckin Meyer. Is that even close?
  • David Segui has admitted the he used HGH. This is really bad news. No, not for baseball. But for all you readers who are going to sift through endless jokes about how Segui should have been hitting better, or that steroids don’t work at all, or any of that nonsense. Seriously, those jokes are as predictable as a Norv Turner game plan.

Some good news for the Mets. Not only did Kris Benson defeat the Mets on Saturday, dude also hit a home run for good measure. Where did Kris find the strength to do out on defeat his former team? His wife, Anna, made good on her promise to “do” the entire Mets team (and staff) if she ever caught Kris cheating—which she did. So obviously the Mets were unable to play baseball with a raging case of herpes. Only Keith Hernandez could do that.

This should be a good week, so be sure to stick around. THN will be here for the rest of the day, Tar Heel from YAYsports! will be here on Tuesday, and some dude on Wednesday.

--NFL Adam


insomniac said...

Just curious- what do you have against including hypertext links in your columns?

NFL Adam said...

Don't know how to do it.

NFL Adam said...

I also need to figure out how he gets these cool borders on his pictures, too.

JMC said...

Zach looks nothing like Breckin Meyer. Ok maybe a little. No, actually, no he really doesn't. And just wait till you see what this "some dude" has up his sleeve...

NFL Adam said...

Alright, but if you were going to cast the Zach story, who would you tab to play the lead?

JMC said...

a young Jerry Seinfeld