Allen Iverson has 3,000 new fans in another continent

Sounds great: new star in town, Jersey-promo night, butts in seats, right?

What happens when the new star in town is off the team in 15 games or less? You get Allen Iverson jerseys in Tanzania.

So what will happen to all of those unused Iverson jerseys?

The Grizzlies plan to ship the jerseys to impoverished children in Tanzania -- the birthplace of rookie center Hasheem Thabeet.

An NBA program -- Basketball Without Borders -- will facilitate the shipment to the African country. Basketball Without Borders is the NBA's global basketball development program that helps education, health and wellness.

Meanwhile, children in Memphis have Marc Gasol jerseys. Would it be wrong to ask which kids are luckier?

[The Commercial Appeal via Ben Maller]

A Rabbi, ejection and Madison Square Garden; somehow Isiah Thomas not involved

Preseason game between the Knicks and Maccabi Tel Aviv. The Tel Aviv coach gets t'ed up twice: immediate ejection. But he was enjoying New York, his team was playing well and he just didn't want to leave. So, fuck it! He didn't.

The New York Knicks' 106-91 victory over the Euroleague team featured a bizarre delay in the third quarter when the visiting coach refused to leave after he was ejected.

The game was halted about 8 minutes when Pini Gershon continued to linger near Maccabi's bench -- a delay that included a rabbi trying to intervene by asking the NBA's replacement referees calling the game to allow Gershon to stay.

Rabbi's do it all. Perform a Bar Mitzvah, preside over a marriage, give a coach a get-out-of-jail-free card. Now if only they can start delivering wins.

0-82: How the Warriors have already ensured themselves a terrible 09-10 season

It's a very good thing we don't care for the NBA (or the Warriors, really) because Golden State is becoming the Oakland Raiders of professional basketball.

A timeline:

-August: Stephen Jackson publicly asks to be traded.

-Sept. 28: Monta Ellis says he won't share the backcourt with first-round pick Stephen Curry.

-Oct. 9: Jackson bursts out at coach Don Nelson in preseason game against the Lakers and gets two-game suspension for it.

-Oct. 13: Jackson asked to relinquish his position as captain, but doesn't really seem to mind.

"I don't want to be a role model. ... Being captain was overrated to me, anyway. You don't do anything but go out before the game and talk to the refs. I don't want to do that, anyway."

We're sure far more missteps have happened since going 29-53 last season, but we haven't really paid much attention, because these are the Warriors and bad things happen to the Warriors.

So, who's ready for basketball season? Wake us up when the Lakers have won it again.

Jerry Stackhouse plays lazy defense and a hyped college recruit can dunk while getting fouled. Now let's talk about how THIS ISN'T FUCKING IMPORTANT

This is becoming an annoying trend this summer: Pro basketball players are getting dunked on by college kids in SUMMER LEAGUE GAMES THAT DON'T MEAN A MOTHERFUCKING THING and the media and world respond like this is the wildest thing to happen to sports since the forward pass (which, by the way, WAS AWESOME!).

First it was LeBron, and a few days ago it was Jerry Stackhouse. Here's the video so you can see Stackhouse's inspired defensive effort (slide to the hole, Jerry!) on the nifty moves of Kentucky recruit John Wall.



After seeing the video, our thought process went like this in this order:

1. No. 1 on White just broke his ankles. What a move!
2. John Wall is about to be very good.
3. Kentucky is about to be very good.
4. John Wall would probably be a very good pro player.
5. Jerry Stackhouse plays shoddy defense.
6. The Spicy Italian sandwich from Subway is pretty salty.
7. Wonder who the other guys in this game are.
8. Wonder why someone's filming a summer league game.
9. Jerry Stackhouse sorta got dunked on. We guess. Sorta. But he really just fouled him and Wall threw it down anyway.
10. John Wall is about to be very good.

Holy fucking shit, world, THIS IS NOT THAT COOL. If the old NBA eligibility rules were in place, Wall would be playing in the NBA next year. And when one NBA player dunks on the side of another NBA player it makes the highlights. Might be a Top Play. But it doesn't become a VIRAL FUCKING YOUTUBE VIDEO.

Or maybe we are just totally uncool and have no idea what's cool. Probably why we like Chamomile tea and Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.

LeBron slid over late and some kid you've never heard of threw down a dunk that was by no means dunking on LeBron

We hear "LeBron got dunked on" and we want to see balls in LeBron's fucking face. Kinda like this. That video, which was the big blog buzz Wednesday, is hardly James getting posterized. He sorta tried to play defense and the guy simultaneously had a dunk. Not really dunked on. Semantics, we guess.

Meanwhile, this "story" of the video being released, merited four posts from Deadspin today. That seems a bit much, no? We pulled the video from With Leather, which is the only major sports blog without bullshit these days.

FOUL, you fucking idiots

How many game-tying threes in the final 10 seconds will it take before coaches realize that YOU CAN FUCKING FOUL! IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE RULEBOOK! IF YOU MAKE CONTACT WITH THE OPPOSING PLAYER, HE GETS TO SHOOT TWO -- AS IN ONE FUCKING TWO -- FREE THROWS. You can breathe on a guy in the NBA and get called for a foul. Yet, when the game's on the line, let's let 'em take a three! Fuck, five minutes of extra basketball never hurt anyone.

If I'm an Orlando fan, I'm pulling a Tanya Harding on Stan Van Gundy's fucking kneecaps. What a devastating loss. (But strong free throw shooting by Dwight Howard at least kept the Magic in the game.)

Kobe Bryant went to middle school, still kind of an asshole

Sole Collector dug up some of Kobe Bryant's middle school yearbook photos. Fitting as many schools are finishing today or tomorrow. And the NBA Finals are still trucking along. Ultra timely.

Of note, Bryant was tall, wore No. 24, participated in choir and may have liked girls.

NBA Player introductions are total cheese

We here at The Big Picture have a long-established distaste for the NBA so imagine my own surprise when I found myself watching the beginning of last night's NBA Finals Game 3. I tuned in just in time to see the Magic's player introductions. I forgot how, aside from the BCS, these introductions might be the worst thing in sports. Bizarre mascots and cheerleaders descending from the rafters on wires, crazy lights flashing all over, highlight videos, the list goes on. It's one thing to do it for the finals, but we all know this kind of nonsense happens before most regular season games as well. Yet another reason to tune out the NBA.

Dennis Rodman is going to televised rehab, so basically he's just on TV

Dennis Rodman in rehab is about as much fun as virgin margaritas, but VH1 seems to think the former NBA star -- and current reality television star (star?) -- makes for good TV. The Worm will be on the Season 3 of Celebrity Rehab on VH1.

Dennis Rodman will be on the third season of Celebrity Rehab.

See? Blockquote. That means it's real.

Rodman has also been on reality shows like The Celebrity Mole, U.K. Celebrity Big Brother, and Celebrity Apprentice. All of those shows have clever titles.

Clearly being a retired NBA player with an alcohol problem is tough work. Not easy to rebound (pun!)...that's why celebrities and reality television make such a depressing pair.

In non-depressing news, Rodman was briefly married to Carmen Electra. They probably had sex. A lot. There is nothing remotely unfortunate about that.

It's like if Yao Ming grew three inches. And became slower. And looked different. And was named Sun Mingming.

World, meet Chinese center Sun Mingming. He's 7-foot-9, plays professionally in Japan and wears number 79 (maybe because he's 7-9? That would be a bit contrived.) Did we mention he's tall?

His size has led to the comparisons with his compatriot Yao of the, but Sun’s lack of speed is considered by some experts as a barrier to a career in the NBA.

If he ever makes it to the NBA, Sun would be the tallest player in the league’s history, overtaking Manute Bol and Gheorghe Muresan, who both stood 7-foot-7. Yao, at 7-foot-6, is the tallest active NBA player.

You'd think someone would take a waiver on him. If he can hold a basketball with two hands and walk without falling over, he's good for at least 15 and 10 a game.

Though his imposing figure could become a rude welcoming for some of the league's shorter players. Much like the defender picture above, fighting off a screen might turn into the 15-year-old's equivalent of second base. Though things could probably work out well for Sun's girlfriend: knee pads not necessary.

[AP]

The 2009 NBA playoffs have seen two of the worst seven-game series ever

I can stretch my arms this high!

This is about as close as we'll get to the NBA Playoffs -- pretty much just to slam them.

Remember the Atlanta-Miami series that finished about two months ago? That seven-game series saw seven lopsided games.

Ending yesterday, the Houston-LA series, which will seem like ancient history by the time the Finals start, saw six of the seven games decided by double-digits. The only game that wasn't was Game 1, which Houston won by eight.

If we cared about the NBA, we would probably analyze how Houston twice beat the Lakers by double digits without Yao and McGrady. An Aaron Brooks-Luis Scola-led team would probably lose 50+ games in the regular season, right?

But hey, two Game 7s! Those series couldn't possibly be bad. Rather, with the NBA, we find the black lining in the silver cloud. Two seven-game series that are just absolute duds. If the NBA playoffs are usually a bane to society, the 2009 edition is responsible for the economic downturn, political turmoil and swine flu.

Did D-Wade knock up Gabrielle Union?

Rumors floating about the NBA's leading scorer, Dwayne Wade, having knocked up hot chick (and wonderful actress in a hot, not very good actress kind of way) Gabrielle Union. Wade had two kids with soon-to-be ex-wife Siohvaughn, who is none too pleased about Wade making Baby No. 3 (hey, that's his jersey number!) with Union.

No wonder Miami Heat superstar Dwyane Wade seems distracted at times this playoff season.

Rumors that his paramour, actress Gabrielle Union, recently was or currently is expecting his lovechild have been dogging Wade – this, as he fights through a nasty divorce with his high school sweetheart.

While Union, 36, denied it on a black entertainment website – “I love my margaritas too much,” she said – I’m told Wade’s soon-to-be-ex wife, Siohvaughn, went ballistic when Wade, 26, told her about the new baby.

Union's 36?! Whoa. Clock's ticking.

Remember her in Bad Boys II? She was hot as all hell in that movie. And remember that dead chick with the great cans? Yeah, totally great cans (kinda NSFW).

[Page2Live]

Reason No. 4,298 why the NBA is a fucking joke

This is a playoff game where the road team won by 58 points. Nothing about this is remotely right.

Watching the NBA All-Star game is about as much fun as stubbing your toe

Or...

• being on the toilet and realizing the toilet paper's low
• eating organic produce
  
• lifting heavy boxes
  
• watching paint dry
• ordering a chicken salad sandwich and getting served egg salad instead
• attending art shows that don't serve wine
• having pulsating car breaks
• making spaghetti and realizing you don't have any pasta sauce
  
• witnessing a hung jury
• paying for something that costs $5.04 and getting 96 cents of change back because you didn't have four fucking pennies and the goddamn clerk wouldn't give you a bump.
  
• untangling wires
• wearing a shirt with an itchy tag
• sitting through an entire episode of "King of the Hill"
  
• trying to open a tightly-sealed jar when your hands are greasy
• hearing grown men grunt in the gym
• sitting in a chair that has one leg that's shorter than the others
  
• movies with subtitles
• Seeing a woman getting beaten and raped and not doing anything when she's crying out for help because you don't want to give up your spot in line to see "The Reader"
• being forced to make a sandwich with the end piece of the loaf
  
• paper jams in the printer you told the boss needed to be replaced but he wouldn't because "we have to tighten our belt a bit"
• paper cuts
  

Add your own in the comments, you scoundrels.

We don't know what the fuck the JabbaWockeeZ are, but they certainly have nothing to do with basketball, sports or anything else we care about

If you saw yesterday's NBA All-Star game, you saw a group of mimes called the JabbaWockeeZ do some dancing 'n' stuff as the players were introduced. The players looked awkward and uncomfortable. And then there was Shaq who danced with the wookies or whatever they call themselves. He also looked awkward but he was dancing. So there's that.

We don't mean to ride this contemporary dance troop; they have a skill, we suppose. But they epitomized the bigger issue we had with all of this weekend's festivities and the league itself: basketball wasn't the focal point, entertainment was.

On Saturday, the Dunk Contest featured more costumes than slams. Had Nate the Great and Dwight Howard concentrated less on their Superman-themed production and more on their game, the event would have been way more entertaining than it was. Yesterday's game was less entertaining than the Pro Bowl, which is saying something.

Of course, none of this was terribly surprising. The NBA is a show and All-Star weekend only punctuates that, Superman, JabbawockeeZ and all.

Celtics Continue to Slump

The Chicago Bulls are first in the Eastern Conference and the Boston Celtics are second. Those who follow NBA basketball picks found at BetUS after their meeting on Thursday night, it is blatantly clear that these two teams are heading in opposite directions.

The Bulls handled the Celtics a 97-81 loss, which sent a stern message loud and clear: we are for real.

The Bulls have climbed to the top of the Eastern Conference and are closing in on securing home court advantage throughout the East playoffs, which many experts feel they might need to level the playing field with the Celtics, Orlando Magic and Miami Heat.

But the way the Bulls are playing, it may be the other teams that have plenty to prove. The Bulls have won nine of 10 and are moving towards the playoffs with plenty of momentum. Meanwhile, the Celtics couldn’t be colder right now.

Boston is just 7-7 in their last 14 and they have been very pedestrian since the bizarre trade of Kendrick Perkins and Nate Robinson.

They have had a gaping hole in their frontcourt without Perkins as Jermaine O’Neal has been out with injuries, although he’s back now, and Shaquille O’Neal has also spent much of his time on the sidelines. The Celtics went from what appeared to be a deep rotation in the frontcourt to a very thin lineup that is readily being exposed.

There is no question that this is an experienced, veteran team that could still repeat as East champs if they put the pedal to the metal but right now, they are out of sync.

Throw in the fact that they watched their defensive guru from last year, coach Tom Thibodeau, create the Bulls into a monster, and the Celtics are definitely showing a few chinks in the armor. The playoffs are rapidly approaching and the Celtics better iron out the kinks or their journey won’t be a long one.