Now it seems these types of weekends are obsolete. Not really sure why. Perhaps with the emergence of strong non-BCS teams, when conference foes meet, there aren't as many good games on paper.
Not too long ago, 98% of the rankings were teams from the Pac-10, ACC, Big East, SEC, Big 12 and Big 10. Now you have only 19 teams ranked from major conferences. That's actually still more than we expected -- maybe it's just lousy scheduling in that all the good games are just sort of spread out.
But we remember those days where running errands, going shopping or taking a day trip were completely out of the picture. But now, with usually only one or two decent games a weekend, we'll be hitting Crate&Barrel and wine country on the same day. (Not actually. That would be like sticking your penis in a blender).
Of course there are other good games besides the ones between two ranked teams. But when it comes to Pre-Gaming and other preview columns, it sure makes you think -- albeit for a second -- about going beyond at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Which games will provide pleasant surprises this weekend?
Games broken down on a one-to-four-bunny scale:
Four bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not hang out with your girlfriend. Do not watch House re-runs. Turn the fucking channel to this game and watch it."
Three bunnies means: "Do not go out. Do not watch House re-runs. If spending precious time with the girlfriend will help the relationship, go for it...but it better be worth it. Like really worth it. Otherwise, watch these games."
Two bunnies means: Eh, if it's pissing rain and your girlfriend is shopping, it's not a bad option.
One bunny means: You've never touched a girl. You're allergic to the sun. YouTube doesn't do it for you. You wanna prove that you can, in fact, sit on your ass and watch college football for 12 hours.
Winners are made on Saturdays. All times Eastern.
No. 9 LSU at No. 3 Alabama, 3:30 p.m., CBS: I want to think this game will be epic -- one for the ages. Yet after watching Florida-LSU and Alabama-Ole Miss (the other "marquee" SEC games this season) I just don't see it happening. Rather I see Gary Danielson getting frustrated over the sloppy play and just being generally disappointed. Nonetheless, having Verne and Gary on the call -- and two top-10 teams -- makes this a must-watch. Alabama 3, LSU 2.
No. 16 Ohio State at No. 11 Penn State, 3:30 ABC: I thought there was some simple way where if Penn State wins this game, which it should, and then Ohio State beats Iowa next Saturday, that Penn State would earn the Big 10's Rose Bowl berth. I don't think that's remotely true.
Oh, right! That's it! If Ohio State wins out, which is no easy task (at Penn State, Iowa, at Michigan) the Buckeyes will go to the Rose Bowl.
Fuck. That's no better than Iowa really, except somehow I think Ohio State is good and won't take Iowa seriously when it struggles to beat Arkansas St. and Northern Iowa. Iowa is playing Penn State this week, right? I sorta lost track where this was going. Penn State 17, Ohio State/Iowa 14.
No. 8 Oregon at Stanford, 3:30 p.m., FSN? Versus? TV?: This could go one of two ways:
1. Jeremiah Masoli gets hurt à la Dennis Dixon in 2007 and the Ducks lose their remaining games and end up in the Sun Bowl where they surprisingly crush South Florida.
2. Oregon wins 398-6.
Oregon 398, Stanford 6.
Florida State at Clemson, 7:45 p.m., ESPN
UConn at No. 5 Cincinnati, 8 p.m., ABC
No. 24 Oklahoma at Nebraska, 8 p.m., ABC
Tailgate Beverage of the Week:
1 shot sake rice wine
1 glass beer
It's real easy. Drop the shot of Sake into a glass of beer and the just slam it.
Yeah, slam that fucker!
Nothing quite says college football like a nice Japanese rice wine. And chopsticks.
Lou Holtz Pep-Talk Quote:
"jdljaoi˚kjkD330!u9økalπlkakknakjlakjl alkjlAWIkn#$909DAjhlmlk∆˙bzlkpπmƒ∂klhalaeknm kjhkldd8JK*&djalk1E#jn,;kqkj¬∆˜lkjoaxpo,dkjnndjkb?aija~nlkdi¬oçhwq djnlkoi)89u2A!inlk¥ilkadnlknoi Dapnq!jnk*720!knd@4%kn$pqmz1la" (Keep your head up).
It's Safer than Crack:
The game you should bet your paycheck on.
Oregon (-7) over Stanford. Did the lines makers not see what the Ducks did to USC last week?! Oregon will be up 14 before the game starts.
2009 Bet It Hard Record: 3-6
Pac-10 Player That I Want to Hang With a Fucking Jump Rope:
Jamere Holland, WR, Oregon
How do I keep making this same mistake? Starting wide receiver + potent offense = fantasy success. Call it the Wes Welker formula.
But not for Mr. Holland. Oh, no. This season: 10 catches, 138 yards, 1 TD. THIS IS ONE FUCKING GAME FOR A PLAYER! NOT
Oh, four. He must be hurt. Still. Karma's a bitch.
2. The shark from Deep Blue Sea
3. Salma Hayek in Desperado
4. 80s Pop Culture
If I actually had a vote, Houston's Case Keenum and the Vols' Eric Berry (first defender since Charles Woodson!) would be right there. Stewart Mandel also loves that dude from Nebraska whose name is hard to say. But it's more fun to suggest fictional characters might win it because that's how this year's true candidates (Tebow, McCoy) have been playing: like fiction. (YOU JUST GOT SERVED!)
Coach whose ass is burning:
1. Paul Wulff, Washington State
2. Bobby Bowden, Florida State
3. Mark Richt, Georgia?
Fight Song that makes me want to be in a marching band:
Nebraska's Mr. Touchdown, USA and the Nebraska March
Right out of The Music Man!
Babe of the Week:
Pink is the new black.
Full gallery here. (Sorta, not really safe for work).
College football, tailgates and girls. What could be better?!