Monday, May 14, 2007

Jessica Alba and Fuck-Machine are, 'Go Warriors!!!'

Jessica Alba and fuck-machine Cash Warren were at last night's Warriors/Jazz playoff game. Here's how a conversation went...

Cash$: Hey baby, whaddya say we get outta here...

Al(ba)4u: There's 8:46 left in the first quarter.

Cash$: But Baron's not even playin' well.

Al(ba)4u: So?

Cash$: So, you know I only come to these games because we went to high school together.

Al(ba)4u: Tell me again sweetheart, what was Baron like in high school?

Cash$: He was cool, but I was the ladies man.

Al(ba)4u: And you still are.

(They brush noses romantically)

Cash$: So let's go home and do it.

Al(ba)4u: But we already did it once today.

Cash$: It doesn't count when it's in the butt.

Al(ba)4u: Jerk.

Cash$: Oh c'mon baby, you know I try to do you any chance I get.

Al(ba)4u: I know, honey.

Cash$: Look at me, Jess. Look at this fucking sweater I'm wearing. Do I look like a guy who sleeps with the hottest women in the world? I look like a guy who nails high school girls with low self-esteem.

Al(ba)4u: Give yourself some credit. You were great in Fantastic Four. You're practically a star.

Cash$: Practically. Ha! Semantics.

Al(ba)4u: Hey, the Warriors just took a six-point lead.

Cash$: What?

Al(ba)4u: The game. The Warriors are up by six?

Cash$: What game?

Al(ba)4u: The Golden State game, silly.

Cash$: Who you calling silly? Bitch. You like being called Bitch, bitch?

Al(ba)4u: Baby, we're at a basketball game. Remember?

Cash$: Baron's not even playin' well.

Al(ba)4u: It's still early.

Cash$: I still think we should get outta here, grab some sushi, hit up an oxygen bar and go home.

Al(ba)4u: What if I told you that if you stay until the end of the quarter, I'll bring home a cheerleader for us.

Cash$: Us?

Al(ba)4u: You heard me.

Cash$: I'll pull up the car.

Al(ba)4u: Good. I put in enough face time anyway.

Check out the wildly-funny site The Dugout for more dialogue between your favorite stars.


Signal to Noise said...

This is why every other motherfucker in L.A. calls himself a "producer" -- to try and dupe a hottie into fucking him. Looks like Cash Warren actually managed to really, really dupe someone.

Everyone knows Baron got all the tail while Cash tried to talk game.

(Oh, and thanks for linking to my new home, but you might want to send it to the home page.)

Joshua Mayers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rstiles said...

I don't know who this creep Penny or Dollar or whatever the fuck his name is....but all I know Jessica Alba is the finest piece of ass out there....she is freaking amazing!!!

NFL Adam said...

Why isn't she wearing a gold shirt?

Anonymous said...

She's Jessica Alba. She could wear a burlap sack and people wouldn't care, they'd just be stoked that they saw Jessica Alba, and got to bask in her hotness.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

fixed, signal. sorry about that...

GMoney said...

Ummm, is she black??? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

McLean Stevenson said...


Marco said...

That there is the luckiest guy on the face of the Earth

JMC said...

me like jessica. grrrgggghhh. make wife. ooga booga. slobber slobber.

Post Patrol said...

Lame post

twins15 said...

Alba alone is reason enough for me to keep rooting for the Warriors...

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