Nate Robinson is a slam-dunk to repeat

Repeat as the winner of the NBA Slam Dunk Contest, that is. (And don't you love that headline? It's sort of a play on words. We thought about showing the headline to our newspaper-y boss, but then remembered he doesn't like the word "fuck" (1) and we're about to use the word fuck (2) 13 more times in this post).

Our boy Nate Rob, all 5-foot-7.75 (that's totally the 2007 way of writing five feet, seven and three quarters inches) of him, will attempt to defend his Slam Dunk Contest crown during the NBA All-Star Weekend in Vegas.

We're really not too concerned/interested about the actual Dunk Contest. Nate's gonna win and he's gonna jump over a tank of fucking (3) sharks with laser beams to win the thing. We're far more interested in what Nate's going to do in Vegas. Las fucking (4) Vegas!

Scene: Nate goes to trendy, overpriced club:

Bouncer: You have to be 21 to get in.

Nate: I am fucking (5) 21, fuck (6) face.

Bouncer: No, no you're not.

Nate: I play basketball, man.

Bouncer: High school?

Nate: N-B-fucking (7)-A.

Bouncer: What team?

Nate: Knicks, biatch.

Bouncer: Oh, I'll have to check with my supervisor

Scene: In (da) club

Nate (to girl): You want a spin on Mr. Robinson's Wild Ride?

Girl: How tall are you?

Nate: 6-8.

Girl (giggling): No, you're lying. You're like 5-foot-7.75.

Nate: You're right, I am lying. I'm 6-9.

Girl: Do you want to go somewhere and talk?

Nate: You mean fuck (8)?

Girl: Yeah.

Nate: Yeah.

Scene: Waiting in line for New York, New York rollercoaster

Attendant: You have to be six feet to go on this ride.

Nate: I'll show you something that's six feet.

Attendant: I'm sorry you can't go on this ride.

Nate: I'll ride your fucking (9) girlfriend all night long if you don't let me on, dickwad.

Attendant: Will you not do that if I let you on the ride.

Nate: No promises.

Scene: At strip club

Stripper: Hey baby, want a dance?

Nate: Who ya calling a fucking (10) baby? I'm all man.

Stripper: I can tell.

Nate: Will you take off your shoes so you're not so tall?

Stripper: I'll do anything. Anything.

Nate: Will you read to me?

Stripper: What?

Nate: Goodnight Moon. It's my favorite.

Stripper: What?!

Nate: Just fucking (11) with ya, Sweetheart. Let's dance.

Scene: Hanging out at Dunk Contest with Carmelo Anthony and J.R. Smith

Nate: You guys suck.

J.R: Haha, funny. Asshole.

Nate: Carmelo, you fight like a bitch.

'Melo: Fuck (12) you.

J.R.: Yeah, fuck (13) you.

Nate: When I dunk over Yao Ming, you two can go fuck (14) yourselves.

J.R.: Good luck dunking over Yao, Gary Coleman.

Nate: Gary Coleman just fucked (15) your momma.

(By the way, Dwight Howard, Gerald Green and Tyrus Thomas will be your runners-up, in no particular order).