Study: Curveballs safer to throw than fastballs, heroin good source of vitamin C

So you want to pitch for the Big League Cardinals one day, kid? Better start working on your curve. It's not that bad for your arm. Less stressful than throwing fastballs. Trust us, science says so! They did a study on it! Two studies!

Each study concluded that curves are less stressful than fastballs and, based on the data collected, contributed little, if at all, to throwing injuries in youth players.

There's also this: Birds don't really fly, the world is actually flat and smoking a pack of cigarettes a day can add up to 10 years to your life.

But this is a scientific study, done by doctors and SCIENTISTS, it has to be true. Right? RIGHT?!?!

So – and we're just thinking out loud here – what these studies are saying is that when a kid's elbow blows up because he's been throwing curveballs since he was eight, it wasn't the curveball that led to the torn ligaments?

“I don’t think throwing curveballs at any age is the factor that is going to lead to an injury,” said Glenn Fleisig, the chairman of research at the American Sports Medicine Institute in Birmingham, Ala.

We don't know Glenn or his background, but we do know that HE'S A FUCKING SCIENTIST! AND HE SAYS THROW FUCKING CURVEBALLS ALL DAY LONG YOU LITTLE RASCALS. START DOING IT WHEN YOU'RE SIX. FUCK THE HEAT. THROW THE BREAKING BALL. THROW THAT SHIT ALL. DAY. LONG.

So listen closely, kiddos: Coach telling you to throw the gas? Shake that dickhead off and THROW THE FUCKING CURVE.

Except don't. And don't do drugs. Those will fuck you up worse than curveballs.

Meet Eri Yoshida, the 17-year-old Japanese professional baseball player who throws a knuckleball (not very well) and is sorta cute (but not really)

That smiling mug to the right is of 17-year-old Eri Yoshida, Japan's first female professional baseball player. She plays for the Cruise 9's of the four-team Kansai Independent League where she took a loss this weekend while struggling to command her sidearmed knuckle ball.

THERE'S A 17-YEAR-OLD JAPANESE GIRL WHO PLAYS PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL AND THROWS A KNUCKLEBALL?!?! SIDEARM!?!? THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!! BUT SHE SORTA SUCKS. AND SHE'S ONLY FIVE FEET. THAT'S OK, THOUGH. SHE'S A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL PLAYING PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL IN JAPAN AND THROWS A SIDEARM KNUCKLEBALL!! WE ARE IN FUCKING LOVE WITH ERI YOSHIDA!! THIS GIRL IS SOOOOO COOL!!!

But she probably likes Hello Kitty. That sucks.