You Know What Really Grinds My Gears (named after the segment on Family Guy, of course) is a new feature that will run whenever the fuck we want it to...but usually on a slow news day. It will focus on those pet peeves that, well, really grind your gears. It likely won't be sports-related. Fuck sports. This isn't a sports blog anyway...Oh. Right. Um, yeah, we'll see about making them sports-related. If you have any suggestions -- or would even like to guest write one! -- send your submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org or Ballhype us or something Internet-y like that.
You know what really grinds my gears?
Now I'm not talking about one of those deserted highways where if your car breaks down, you'll end up walking to a hotel where you'll be killed, raped or killed then raped. If you use your brights on one of those roads, you're prolonging your life. All the power to you.
I'm talking about the freeway. With lots of fucking cars and lots of street lamps and shit. Then turning on your brights fucking grinds my gears.
I mean, is the douche who's tailgating me trying to get in an accident? I look in the rear view mirror and I'm blinded by his lights. That's bullshit. I don't go up to a coworker and start flashing a light in his eyes. That's for doctors and assholes.
Flashing your brights on the freeway is different. I do that shit all the time. Especially in Seattle where everyone drives like a student driver. I'll come up behind a cockweasel who's doing 55 in the fast lane. I'll flash my brights at him to change lanes so I can continue driving like a person who has a sack. If he moves over, a courteous wave follows; flashing the brights worked. If he doesn't get over, I'll honk as I pass him, take down his license plate number, track him down and kill his fucking dog. (Just kidding. I love dogs. But his cat is fucking toast.)
So don't use your brights on the freeway. There are reflectors, lamps and other cars to illuminate the road just fine. If you keep those lights on, and you hurt my eyes, well, you've officially grinded my gears.
And that, people, is what really grinds my gears.