Jumping Stilts for all the bros out there

I found my way to this website for velocity jumping stilts. Not sure how; I must've been wearing my Etnies, drinking a Mountain Dew and feeling EXTREME. But nonetheless, I saw these things that were totally badass!

They look super awesome -- can you imagine doing these plowed? It'd be called Velocity Jumping Stilts under the influence. Like a a VJSUI. That doesn't have a good ring to it. It sounds bad. Not bad: jumping stilts.

Your guide to cheaper and better tickets

We haven't had a book review in a while, but we were sent a nice, quick read and got to it over the weekend.

Max Deale's "Sold Out So What!" is a guide to getting better deals on tickets to sports events that we all enjoy going to.

It's a fun, comprehensive, resourceful book to help us beat fucking scalpers, beat the ticket brokers and even give us some nice suggestions how to upgrade from the nosebleeds to the high-roller seats.

You can get the book through Max's site and Amazon and we recommend checking it out. For the cheap price, you can potentially save hundreds from getting better deals on tickets.

And yes, Max gave us many sexual favors for this plug. The Cleveland Steamer was top notch.

What's wrong with this graphic?

That's a screengrab of the NL All-Star roster. There is an error with it. Can you find it? It's like playing "Where's Waldo," but the answer isn't a tiny cartoon man wearing a red and white striped sweater.

And because this is sort of like a contest, we'll maybe give out a signed copy of the Cindy Margolis Playboy issue, provided by our good friends at Playboy and Playboy U (SFW). But we might not. Or maybe we will. Guess you'll just have to play to find out.


If you want a shot at a date with Cindy, click this link (safe for work) and you'll have a minute chance of winning a date with her where she may or may not let you talk to her.

'Late Night Talking': Perfect for Mother's Day and other reading needs

Over a year ago we told you about our aunt's second novel, "Late Night Talking."

Well good news, it's now in paperback! Today you can buy your softer, lighter, cheaper, equally-as-good version of the book here, here, here or at any major or non-major bookstore. Or you could buy online AND at a bookstore. That'd probably be best, thanks.

If you want the 411 on Ms. Schnur, check out her website here, which sadly does not have pictures of us.

"Late Night Talking" is a fun novel that is good for you, your girlfriend or your mother. Your mother! It's Mother's Day Sunday! Don't forget!

So go buy a book or 10. If you don't, well, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus are going to gang up to cut off your penis and play badminton with it.

You don't want that.

Movie Review: No Country For Old Men

Remember the time when we reviewed Disney's The Game Plan? Well, sorry. After watching that, we washed our eyes out with soap and asked an estranged uncle to abuse us while the movie was playing, so, ideally, we'd repress the whole thing and forgot we ever watched it in the first place. No dice, though.

But the same folks who had us review that asked if we'd be interested in reviewing No Country For Old Men.

We thought a bad-ass villain, graphic violence and savagery all neatly compiled into a two-hour movie would be fun, so we agreed.

And yes, No Country is bad ass. All natural sound, violence...it makes you think and stays with you afterwards. We had a non-sexual dream about Javier Bardem the other night. We can hear Tommy Lee Jones' words burrow beneath our skin. And Milton from Office Space has a minor role. Sweet!

We're sure, in the near future, No Country will be turned in to a porno called, "No Cunt-ry for Small Men." It'll be about well-endowed men who have sex with pornstars. Or, better yet, sexy pornstars who only have sex with well-endowed men! Bingo!

Also, Javier Bardem comes in No. 2 on our list of greatest movie bad guys of all time.

1. Darth Vader, Star Wars

2. Javier Bardem, No Cunt-ry

3. Hannibal Lecter, Silence of the Lambs

4. Keyser Soze, Usual Suspects

5. Jaws, Jaws

Honorable mention: Alan Rickman in Die Hard, the Joker, Tommy Lee Jones in Under Siege, Dennis Hopper in Speed.

We highly encourage you see No Country (the Best Picture winner; no word on the porno being released, yet). If you don't like it, well, you're gonna like it. Or Mr. Bardem is gonna getcha.

Our voice can be heard

...Sunday. 1:30 Pacific, 4:30 Eastern. Listen here (or maybe here). We think.

We've been invited back to the FDH Lounge, an Internet TV program on SportsTalkNetwork.com. We did the show around this time last year, to promote our "Would you do..." tournament.

They're doing a day-long marathon to help raise money for a good cause. You can read about it here and here.

Movie Review: The Game Plan

The fine folks at Disney contacted us a few weeks ago about promoting the release of the new "sports" flick, The Game Plan. They offered us some money, blow and 15 minutes with Minnie Mouse to do "anything." Naturally we accepted.

So, The Game Plan. Yeah. It has The Rock in it. And Roselyn Sanchez. Roselyn Sanchez is fucking hot! And she plays a ballerina instructor. She basically struts around in tight pants and skimpy tank tops for most of her scenes. And you can totally see her nipples at one point! Schwing!

Oh. The movie. Let's let Disney take it away:

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson stars as Joe Kingman, the high-living star quarterback for the Boston Rebels. Kingman is called upon to make his most important play in a position for which he has no practice when his seven year-old daughter unexpectedly shows up on his doorstep.

You can pretty much predict how this one ends up. And the daughter is one of the most fucking annoying girls in the history of acting. If The Rock would've thrown her off the Empire State Building, few would've faulted him.

She's rude, obnoxious and conniving. All by age 7. By the time she's 18, she'll probably have broken more hearts than Jessica Simpson.

The Rock is fine. We think he's better suited for steroids commercials or touching other men in a wrestling match, but he has some charm in this.

Charm. That's a good word to describe The Game Plan. It's charming. We'll leave it at that.

The Ladies... had the same offer from Disney, so read their much better review here.

Wanna go to the Pro Bowl?

State Farm Insurance is sponsoring this season's Pro Bowl and wants us to help create awareness of it's new promotion. Why are we telling you about it? Because that's what we do; we're a puppet for advertisers. (They're also mailing us two surgically-enhanced hookers and some blow).

If you sign up...well, we better let them explain.

Fans can enter the promotion daily through January 6 at www.statefarm.com/NFL2 for their chance to win a trip to Hawaii or one of 35 other great prizes. The 2008 Pro Bowl will be played on February 10 and televised by FOX. The grand prize package includes:

-Round trip air transportation for four to Honolulu Hawaii
-Four tickets to the 2008 NFL Pro Bowl presented by State Farm
-First class hotel accommodations in Honolulu (five days/four nights)
-Meet-and-greet with NFL Hall of Famer, Howie Long
-A $1,000 State Farm VISA gift card

In addition to the five grand prizes, fans have the opportunity to win one of ten first place prizes consisting of an autographed Howie Long football and a $250 nflshop.com gift card. Twenty-five $100 nflshop.com gift cards will also be awarded to second prize winners.

So go sign up. Maybe you'll win. Probably not. But maybe...a "maybe" that could change your life.

Book Review: Frank Deford's 'The Entitled'

We were sent legendary sportswriter Frank Deford's latest novel, "The Entitled," to review, and two and a half months later (we read at a third-grade level...not really true. It's more like a grad-school level. We're fucking great readers! Just awfully busy...), we're ready to go.

Good, good read. If you like sports, sex and some inside info on what it's like to live the life of a superstar, this book's for you. Buy your copy here.

What's the book about?

"The Entitled" is a tale of modern baseball that takes you deep inside America's game; inside a ball club and inside the mind of a defeated manager and a champion slugger. Deford's writing is authentic and emanates today's baseball.

"The Entitled" is right down our alley too. We like baseball, we like sex, we like swearing. This novel has it all.

One scene describes how the protagonist -- Cleveland Indians manager Howie Traveler -- finds it strange how he acknowledges his daughter's great tits.

There's also a part that has narration of how Traveler doesn't like to swear. Meanwhile, the paragraph is loaded with enough f-bombs to make this website read like a script from fucking Sesame Street.

The book's definitely worth a read. It's a fun summer book that will get you thinking baseball and perhaps wanting to jerk it to Traveler's daughter.

We're working on setting up an interview with Deford, so be on the lookout for that in the next few weeks. And while we're on the topic of good books, go buy our aunt's latest novel. If you don't, your penis is going to fall off.

This is for you, poker fans

Play online poker? The non-strip poker kind? Well if you do, you can get a lot of your money back by signing up with our friends at Rake Rebate Review, a really cool rakeback site.

When you play poker online you pay a fee to the poker room for each hand you play. Many players pay several thousand dollars in rake each month. The good news is that you now can get up to 60% of your rake back.

Pick a poker room from below and click on it for instructions on setting up a rakeback account with that specific room. With an account in place, your rakeback money will be paid automatically to your poker account once a month.

Reading comprehension's never really been our thing, but this sounds like free money to us. And with free money, you could invest, save or donate. (Or buy hookers, drugs and drugs for the hookers).

So sign up with Rake Rebate Review. If you don't, the bad guys have won. You don't want that...

Amanda Beard will sign naked pictures of herself for you

Ah. Sports and chicks coming together yet again. Happy Monday, Big Picture readers.

For those of you in the New York area, Beard, whose sexy ass (literally) was in the July issue of Playboy, will be signing those pics for you on Thursday. The details are in that trouser-shaking image above. (This With Leather post has links to the NSFW pics).

We'd love to be there, but we have this little problem being on the West Coast. Oh, and we don't want to overwhelm Amanda with our hotness.

When you go, tell them The Big Picture referred you. If enough of you refer to this post, Beard's next signing will be in a Seattle apartment with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.*

Stop by, tell Amanda hi and don't forget to mention that 86% of this site's readers would happily plow her. People love compliments, ya know.

*We're dead serious.

Buy 'Late Night Talking'...or else

[shameless plug]

See that graphic? Yeah, it's the cover of a book.

See the name? Look familiar?

It should. That's the latest novel from our aunt Leslie, who would win the "Best Writer in the Family" award.

This is her second novel after spending years on the publishing side.
We highly encourage to pick up a copy of the book for the cheap price of $14.96 plus tax, plus shipping...still, for about $15 plus tax, you could probably buy 1/5 of a hooker, which, well, we're not sure what that'd entail. And do hookers charge tax? Our guess is no, but the world has surprised us lately.

Anyhoo, pick up your copy (a good gift to the girlie perhaps). You can buy it online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, BookSense or Books A Million. And check out our aunt's website. Lots of family background there, ya know, if you want to like know about us and all.

[/shameless plug]