College football is bowl of mayhem

Photos courtesy of Big Ten Poon and SEC Poon.

Get ready for six weeks of hearing how Ohio State will deal with LSU's speed. Or how Les Miles isn't going to Michigan. Or how Bo Pelini is going to Nebraska. Or how Jim Tressel once touched a choir boy.

The BCS games are set, there will be other bowl games too, and we won't have D-1 football for about three weeks, when Utah takes on Navy in the San Diego County Credit Union Bukakke Muff-Divers Poinsettia Bowl.

With all the mess that occurred Saturday evening, there weren't too many surprises during Sunday's selection show. It is what it is, and what it is is apathy. One game matters, the other BCS games aren't terribly appetizing and it's now time for college hoops, NBA action and meaningful NFL games.

For a full list of bowl match ups, click here.

BCS Got it Right (?)

Do we think Ohio State and LSU are the two best teams? No way. (We're still convinced Florida would win a tournament, if such a thing existed in a world where raindrops were strippers and strippers were made of gold).

But the BCS, evaluating records, schedules, conferences, etc. made the right call. Oklahoma's the only team who might have a gripe and they played in the far inferior Big XII. Sure, the Sooners beat Mizzou twice, but that's a Tigers team that beat, ugh, Kansas?

Who got jobbed?

Arizona State and Missouri are the biggest losers. ASU is a two-loss team from what was considered the second best conference. Nobody really thinks the Sun Devils are all that good, but that same argument goes for Kansas and Hawaii.

Missouri controlled its own destiny and destiny blue-balled them. Essentially playing in the Big XII Championship cost the Tigers a BCS berth.

Tradition is Bullshit

We like Illinois. Juice Williams is a fucking p-i-m-p. And anyone, in this day and age, who goes by Juice has some serious balls. (Or is unaware that O.J. Simpson killed somebody and stole some shit). We respect that. And Ron Zook gets points in our book for his gutsy calls against Ohio State.

But three losses in a weak Big 10 should get you a trip to the Citrus Bowl. Going 9-3 is usually good for a Citrus Bowl trip, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. The Citrus Bowl is like cubic zirconium to the BCS' diamond. (That's a good thing, we think).

But the Illini have no right to be in the Rose Bowl. Oh, Pac-10 vs. Big 10 tradition? Fuck that. Tradition went out the door when the BCS starting rotating the championship game between the four major bowls. Arizona State, with one less loss, in a much better conference, should be furious.

Virginia Tech, Anyone?

Any voter in their right mind put LSU ahead of the Hokies on their ballot because the Tigers mauled Tech earlier in the year, 48-7.

But if this was just any other week, VA Teach would have still been ranked higher in the human polls than LSU. The Hokies won the ACC Championship game against a good team and would naturally move up -- or at least not get hopped by LSU, which did not win decisively.

Not sure if this really means anything, but perhaps voters should have kept LSU ahead of the Hokies in every poll after LSU's 48-7 win.

Strength of Schedule Means Nothing

Northern Colorado, Charleston Southern, Youngstown State, Akron, Southeast Louisiana, Florida International.

Those are six teams that were beaten by Hawaii, Ohio State and Kansas, respectively. Shows the insignificance of strength of schedule this season. Play cupcakes, go to BCS bowl. Pretty simple.

Put Hawaii or KU in the SEC, they might -- might -- be bowl eligible. Ohio State would probably lose two to three games.

BCS Games You Should Not Skip in Favor of Hour-Long Masturbation Session

Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma vs. West Virginia
BCS Championship: Ohio State vs. LSU

BCS Game You Should Skip in Favor of Hour-Long Masturbation Session

Orange: Virginia Tech vs. Kansas

Best Non-BCS Games

Holiday Bowl: Texas vs. Arizona State
Citrus Bowl (Capital One can shove their $500 limit up their asses): Michigan vs. Florida

Enjoy the games, folks. It's been a fun season. Crazier than Lindsay Lohan on uppers.