What does Brett Myers tell a woman with two black eyes?

...nothing. He already told her twice.

And that woman would be his wife. The Phillies pitcher was arrested Friday and charged with assulting his wife outside a bar in Boston.

Myers was released on $200 bail by -- get this -- his fucking wife. Guess she really loves him. Or his money. Either way.

Though it could probably go without saying, we'll say it anyway: Myers will not make love to his wife for a very, very long time.

We imagine the wife was in pretty bad condition. Based solely on the above photo, Myers appears to have a strong right hook.

And an intersting tidbit, Myers has a background in boxing and martial arts. Did the Karate Kid ever beat his girlfriend? Probably.


In other news: The St. Louis Cardinals gave up 10 more runs in a 10-6 loss to Detroit and are considering changing their name to the Rams.