Who the fuck is Sidney Lowe?

Other than the new head coach at North Carolina State, we have no idea. We've heard of Rob Lowe and Derek Lowe, but certainly not Sidney Lowe.

Lowe is currently an assistant with the Pistons and was probably the 247th guy on athletic director Lee Fowler’s wish list. He was previously a head coach for a few years with Minnesota and then Vancouver (where they actually have Grizzlies) where he compiled a win-loss record somewhere in the neighborhood of 40-752, making him perfectly qualified to coach in college, we suspect.

(Get) Lowe likely got the job because Fowler was leaning towards a guy with Wolfpack ties after he got spurned by John Calipari, Steve Lavin, Brent Musburger, Oski the Bear, Mr. Clean, Mr. Rogers, and Salad Fingers.

If that’s the case, Lowe’s just the guy for him. He was a point guard on the 1983 championship team — you know, the one where Jimmy V ran around like a little boy who just entered a strip club The Bunny Ranch Disneyland — and averaged 11.3 points.

Possibly the best nugget on this chum is the fact that he’s still working towards his college degree — 23 years after leaving Raleigh. He’s said to be just nine hours away, which he probably didn’t have time for while losing three-quarters of a billion games as a head coach.

The chances seem slim that Lowe has spent all 23 years finalizing his nursing women’s studies American Indian Studies business administration degree, though we won’t rule out the possibility that he scored a 6 on the Wonderlictheundersideofmyasshole test, making him all-the-more ready to take over for Herb Sendek.

Read other Who the fuck is...: Mel Kiper Jr.; Chris Shelton; George Mason; Pat Venditte.

In other news: The 49ers acquired Trent Dilfer from the Browns yesterday in exchange for their entire starting offensive line, front office and a box of Girl Scout cookies.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Adam is the sports editor at the University of Washington's The Daily. He's pissed because that kid is back on the escalator.