The Toronto “Judges.” What the fuck?

We are well aware (and appalled) that throwback jerseys have become as popular as they have. For some reason unknown to us, people like to wear jerseys that celebrate teams that played before their parents were born. We don’t get it, but if you want to pretend you rooted for a team from the Great Depression, that’s your own issue.

(Side note: We are very, very cool with the Bron Bron throwbacks from his days at St. Vincent-St. Mary’s. Because, you know, he’s a huge G.)

Speaking of St. Mary’s, the idea of teams named after biblical figures is the subject of this post.

A friend of ours brought this bizarre web site to our attention. It seems that the Christian faith likes professional sports and making blood-stained money from the hands of Colossians (the new squad in St. Louis). Apparently, as the title of this post suggests, the Blue Jays are no more. Call them the Toronto Judges. The Spurs are no longer from San Antonio, but rather from Deuteronomy (a book, we think, not a city).

We’re having a hard time deciding if this is the most god (get it, god!) awful, grotesque, blasphemous marketing ploy to come around since the original throwbacks, or if this idea is just so fucking off-the-wall that it becomes slightly amusing.

What we do know is that for a reasonable fee of $75, you can have your very own Baltimore Obadiah jersey.

(Jesus Christ, by the way, is the company’s official sponsor. So… if the company tanks…will there be a cruci…aw fuck, we just aren’t gonna go there.)

In Other News: An MRI revealed that USC back LenDale White tore his hamstring when juking a patron in the Sizzler buffet line.

-Adam Landres-Schnur