Dr. Williams, Medicine Man

This is a funny article. And it's about sports. So we wanted to put our stamp on it, FJM style.

The pre-algebra teacher was just making small talk when he approached Dolphins running back Ricky Williams on the star's first day of school at Nova Southeastern University last week.

Three things:

1. Ricky Williams is back in school. Wonder what he wore to his first day of class.
2. Nova Southeastern University is a place of higher learning. Really. This is not a joke. Seriously.
3. We took pre-algebra in seventh grade. Just saying.

Yes, Williams is just a regular student these days, apparently unrecognizable to dozens of students and his teacher as he pursues an undergraduate degree he never got during his tenure at the University of Texas.

Going back to school is important. Nova Southeastern University. One more time. Nova Southeastern University. Probably has a great business school.

Perhaps the most intriguing reason, though, is Williams' return to school. Currently enrolled in a pre-algebra class and a writing class, Williams only devotes two hours per week on the evening of his off day from the Dolphins.

In "writing class," Williams is learning the difference between nouns and verbs.

Next semester, he'll become a full-time student, needing 74 more credits to graduate. But he doesn't plan to stop there. Part of his reason for wanting to stay in South Florida is his desire to enroll in Nova's medical school.

Surely a top-tier program.

Williams wants to become a doctor, and Nova has a program that will allow him to study Osteopathy.

This is not going towards medicinal marijuana. Uh uh. No way.

These are obviously high aspirations,

See, not going towards medicinal marijuana.

but Williams said he realized he was gifted in the field of holistic medicine, which is encouraged in Osteopathy, during his world travels.

Holistic medicine, n.: a philosophy of medical care that views physical and mental aspects of life as closely interconnected and equally important approaches to treatment.

World travels refer to the time he traveled the world. He may or may not have smoked a joint that was, "sturdy enough to prop open a door."

''I like seeing people feel better, and I know what it feels like to deal with pain,'' Williams said.

He is in no way referring to medicinal marijuana. Absolutely not. No dope. Drugs are bad. DARE.

Whatever happens after his career, though, is not what the Dolphins necessarily care about.

Be a doctor. Be a monk. Smoke some doobies. It's all good, brah.

If Williams and Brown can remain healthy -- and if Williams can continue to show his current level of dedication to football -- the controversial star said he believes the Dolphins are on the right track to success and he can help them get there.

Here's to 3-13, bitches!

Then, Williams' teacher might start to know his name.

If 4x = 8, what is the value of x?