$ell out

Bill Buckner's off the hook in Boston. Well, he was probably off the hook after the Sox won the 2004 World Series. But he's really off of it now.

There's a new villain for Red Sox fans to loathe and his name is Benedict Arnold. Arnold, loved in Boston by many (including the women), took a bigger, more lucrative contract to play for the hated New York Yankees.

(Editor's note: For the sake of mild humor and satire, Arnold is a code name for Johnny Damon and will be used for the rest of this column.)

Arnold claims that Boston was not pursuing him hard enough and he felt unwanted and cried on his pillow. Because he no longer felt like crying, he took the big bucks ($12 million more than Boston was offering) to go play for the Dark Siders.

It's not that Arnold is the only athlete to ever leave his town where he was loved and to chase whiter fences. Giambi left Oakland, A-Rod left Seattle, Beltran left Kansas City.

It's just how it played out that has sportswriters, fans and crazy drunks saying that Arnold dropped an A-bomb on the only bridge back to Boston. He went to the heated rival. He went to the team that doesn't put up with guys who rival Jesus in appearance. He went to the Dark Side.

Somewhere Bill Buckner is laughing.

In other news: With the addition of 40-year-old Steve Finley to an outfield of Barry Bonds (41) and Moises Alou (39), the San Francisco Giants have relocated to the Land Before Time.