This is a new feature. It's pretty self-explanatory. If you're in law enforcement, I don't really want to kill people. I would rather someone else do it for me. If you have suggestions or want to guest-write one, email me. If you see your name appear on this feature, hide.
Queen Latifah isn't really a queen and she really is a fucking cunt. I hate her the way a man hates his wife.
She's loud, obnoxious and always tries to talk cool. I hate that shit. Don't fucking try to connect with me by speaking in hip hop. You're 38, bitch! Act your age.
Why the sudden death wish for Queen Bitch?
I was watching the People's Choice Awards.
DON'T FUCKING ASK! Somehow my girlfriend got away with this on the TV and there wasn't a blowjob involved. I am either stupider than Queen Latifah or I pissed off the girlie. Because few are stupider than Queen Latifah, I'll go with the latter.
Now don't get me started on the People's Choice Awards. My faith in people was already low, yet after seeing the results of the People's Choice Awards, I think that a country run by almonds, pistachios and walnuts would function better than ours.
Here were the nominees for Favorite Comedy Movie:
-"27 Dresses"
-"Get Smart"
-"Mamma Mia!"
If you want to watch three movies that will spark as much laughter as a funeral, watch those. Seriously, if you ever wanted a reason to throw a vacuum cleaner through your TV, turn on one of those three movies.
Yet, "27 Dresses" was your winner! Congrats! You've been recognized as a successful comedy by the dumbest fucking people on Earth.
Back to Latifah. That song UNITY was big like 20 years ago. And you somehow managed to turn that into a lucrative career. And you act? And host shows?! Is this a joke? That's easily more funny than "Get Smart." Did you see "Get Smart?" If there's a script that can make Steve Carell un-funny, that was it.
Wanna hear something else funny? Her Wikipedia page lists her as a rapper, singer, actress and model. MODEL? For what? Maternity clothes?
Preferred method of death: Gluttony. Duh.
I was in junior high the last time I watched the People's Choice Awards....
ReplyDeleteHow can you have the first installment of People I want to kill and not have someone from Fox Sports like Joe Buck on there.
ReplyDeleteim just mad she got a breast reduction. she doesnt like men anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnon, that may be true, but she sure does love crashing at Steve Martin's place.
ReplyDeleteThis feature is going to be the biggest thing on the Internet since tits.
"I hate her the way a man hates his wife."
ReplyDeleteThat might be your best line ever.
This entry sucks.
ReplyDeleteNobody either loves or hates Latifah.
You could have found much better candidates for this column while watching that show.
anon 4:28,
ReplyDeletehe'll appear here!
anon 8:29,
sorry you feel that way. but believe me, i did find many other "subjects" on the people's choice awards.
The Queen is a great pick. Going Joe Buck would have been too obvious. Picking somebody as obscure as Queen was a nice choice.
ReplyDeleteI hate her so much I Googled "i hate queen latifah" and found this page. Maternity clothes? :))
ReplyDeleteThe only time I enjoyed watching her on screen was when she got killed by loads of jellyfish in 'Sphere'. I wish I was one of those jellyfish.
ReplyDeleteshes lesbian you know
ReplyDeleteShe is more annoying than Celine Dion...only with a few hundred pounds more annoyance!
ReplyDeleteSeriously who the fuck made her a model?
Every time I see her I want someone to shoot her so that I can later poke her in the eye with a dull dear antler
Only a few people invoke that kind of a sentiment from me and you already know of two of them....the third in case you were wondering is Meria Carrey!
She is more annoying than Celine Dion...only with a few hundred pounds more annoyance!
ReplyDeleteSeriously who the fuck made her a model?
Every time I see her I want someone to shoot her so that I can later poke her in the eye with a dull dear antler
Only a few people invoke that kind of a sentiment from me and you already know of two of them....the third in case you were wondering is Meria Carrey!
Haha, erfDerf - same here! I was just watching some Simpsons online, and the ad was some makeup she is the "model" for... It reminded me of how much I loathe her.
ReplyDelete"You're a stupid pillock with no life beyond your sad blog. How can you hate someone you don't even know? Ignorant skinhead..."
Er... It sounds like you're well on your way to hating someone you don't know. How can it be done, you ask? Well, when one is subjected to the existence of a person, and finds that individual to be rather repugnant, it really doesn't require a personal encounter. Your use of skinhead as a derogatory term would imply that you hate skinheads. Have you met them all? Lastly, I find your use of "ignorant" to be rather ignorant, and "stupid pillock" to be needlessly redundant.
Thank you, TBP!
man i've been hating latifah since the first time i saw her something about her face makes me wanna stop it in!
ReplyDeleteI don't have a problem with her existing, it is only when she invades my life with her fake smile and "Look at me: I am fat but thinking that I am beautiful attitude" is when I just wanna do a dance on her head!
ReplyDeleteHating is one thing wanting to erase them from existence just because they have somehow gotten(/invaded) under your skin another thing all together!!!
So yes I do wish that she chokes on her queen size ribs and turns blue!!!