This wasn't in Auburn Hills? Really?

Florida International University isn't exactly known for its football. The Golden Panthers are winless this season, though last night, they kicked the shit out of the Miami Hurricanes. Well, literally.

In the third quarter of a Hurricane romp, a "melee" erupted after an extra point. Fists, helmets, crutches (yes, fucking crutches!), and molotav cocktails were used to pummel one another in a five-minute fracas. Thirteen players were ejected, and 7 were killed.

Really, could we expect anything less from The U?

From Mr. Wisdom, Larry Coker: "It was something that neither of us wanted."

Is that right, Lar? Didn't want it, huh? Hell, couldn't have put it better ourselves.

From Mr. Ignorant, FIU coach Don Strock: "I have no idea how it happened."

Well, Don, here's how it happened: First your team was getting walloped. Then, after scoring a TD, Miami's James Bryant did a little show-boating aimed at the FIU sideline. Then your team got frustrated and wanted to beat the shit out of someone. The Miami holder and kicker happened to be there and white. And there you have it, the Miamibrawl.

(Quick tip for Mr. Bryant: When you play for Miami, as in the Miami Hurricanes, you don't get giddy when whooping on FIU. C'mon, man. You guys fucking suck this year and you're getting in the face of FIU. FIU! We don't even know what makes them international. And you're show-boating after beating FIU. Low, James. That's real low.)

Anyhoo, both coaches seem a little naive here in the midst of a pretty savage event. We can't figure out how, but Sean Taylor must've been involved.

(Update: We found video!).



In other news: The Detroit Tigers locker room wasn't filled with champagne yesterday after earning a trip to the World Series, but rather with 392,857,923 cartons of Camel Lights.