The decade's best brawls

Saturday's riot in South Florida got us thinking: what are the best brawls in recent memory? And we're not talking about that pussy shit in baseball where a batter gets hit by a pitch, approaches the mound, benches clear, reach-arounds are given, and the game goes merrily along.

No, we're talking the bad stuff. Ideally the criteria would be events that you would imagine happen only in prison, but frankly we couldn't find enough savage brawls like that.

But below are our top-5 brawls since 2000. Missed some? Don't agree? Feel free to add your own.

1. Basketbrawl, Nov. 19, 2004


The skinny: You know the story. Ron Artest fouls Ben Wallace. Wallace gets pissed and shoves Artest. Artest, at this point, has been ejected and goes to take a nap on the scorer's table. All's cool until a fan throws a cup of beer that hits Artest. Ronnie goes apeshit and goes into the stands with both guns blazin'. Teammates Stephen Jackson and Fred Jones are jealous that they're not in on this too, and they go tag-team it with Artest.

The aftermath: Artest gets suspended for the year, proceeds to cut rap album. Jackson was suspended for 30 games, while O’Neal received 25 games, which was later reduced to 15, and Anthony Johnson received five. For the Pistons, Wallace was suspended for six games.

The savagery scale (out of 10): 52. It doesn't get better than this! We can watch video of this mini riot over and over, and it won't get old. Our favorite is the fan who raises his fucking dukes to Jermaine O'Neal. This is a brawl of epic, epic proportions. With the fans, players, coaches all in on the action, we'd estimate about 100 people were involved. Awesome!

2. The U has a reputation to uphold, Oct. 14, 2006


The skinny: This so fresh that you don't need much of a reminder, but helmets swung, crutches flew and Miami was doing what they do best: causing trouble.

The aftermath: Thirteen ejections and 31 players -- 13 from Miami, 18 from FIU -- are suspended from the team's next game.

The savagery scale: 9. Anytime a player is using his helmet as a weapon, you know there's something wrong. This was a full-blown melee and both teams were completely out of control. Where was the cast of "CSI: Miami?"

3. Don Zimmer, meet Pedro Martinez, Oct. 11, 2003


The skinny: Yankees bench coach, 72-year old Don Zimmer, goes at then Red Sox ace, Pedro Martinez in Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS. Pedro shifts to the side and throws down Don Zimmer the way you'd expect a pro athlete to dispose of an overweight senior citizen. This sparks a
bigger brawl and the rest is history.

The aftermath: We couldn't find if there were suspensions or not, but we don't recall any. Zimmer apologized for his actions and the Yankees went on to the World Series, losing to the Marlins.

The savagery scale: 7. The brawl itself was nothing special, but anytime you see a Pedro Martinez fight Grandpa, that's pretty neat. Being in the postseason also earns this an extra point on the savagery scale.

4. Michael Barrett does not appreciate A.J. Pierzynski, May 20, 2006



The skinny: Pierzynski is running home, Barrett blocks the plate, A.J. collides with Barrett, ball comes loose, Pierzynski slaps home plate, Barrett reacts, slugs A.J. in the eye. (That folks is what we call a run-on sentence).

The aftermath: Barrett got a 10-game suspension, which was well worth it to give Pierznski a black eye.

The savagery scale: 6. No brawl really. Just catcher vs. catcher. It was cool because it was such a cleanly-landed punch and Pierzynski is such a douche-fucker, but that's really all.

5. The Tigers and White Sox don't think highly of one another, April 22, 2000


The skinny: Weaver plunks Carlos Lee in the sixth, and then Jim Parque retaliates by beaning Dean Palmer in the seventh. Palmer charges the mound and hurls his helmet at Parque just before he reaches him. Order is restored, but another round of beanings and bench-clearings takes place in the ninth.

The aftermath: All sorts of goods here. Sixteen ejections, 82 total games in suspensions and Keith Foulke, then with Chicago, had to get stitched up!

The savagery scale: 6. A good brawl indeed. All sorts of fighting and multiple bench-clearing episodes gets this brawl into the top-5. Also any instance of a player using part of the uniform as a weapon is certainly bold.