Super Bowl Xtra Large: 1st Half

We nearly defecated when Al Michaels referred to the Steelers' second quarter drive as their "deepest penetration." C'mon, we don't think Big Ben was trying to fuck Lofa Tatupa, but, as you know, Benjamin likes to drink and likely screw as well.

-Big Ben scored a touchdown on a questionable call by the officials, but we liked the play call -- reminiscent of the QB option in the college level kind of. Not quite but close. By the way Roethlisberger's throwing the ball, we're convinced he may be drunk...but the TD run was a deterrant in our theory. The second half may give conclusive evidence.

-The 'Hawks defense looks strong, despite trailing at half. Nothing flashy, but multiple 3-and-outs by Pittsburgh makes us consider why the Steelers are running to set up the pass when they've been passing to set up the run all throughout the playoffs.

-Jay Mohr has been in many commercials and is engaged to Nikki Cox of "Las Vegas" fame. She's hot and he's doing Pepsi commercials. We assume that the marriage will last for about 26 minutes.

-As for the Seattle offense, where are the downfield throws? Our boy from theeeee University of Washington, Jerramy Stevens dropped a good ball by Baldy McBaldy Hasselhoff, but aside from that, many incompletions down field with a lot of three-step drops leading to completions. Conservative perhaps?

-We're eating cheese whiz, pizza and nachos here and we think that Mike Holmgren slyly winked at us -- like he's trying to get into some of that cheese whiz or something.

-But at the end of the first half, Pittsburgh leads 7-3 and we have far too many mixers here and not enough booze or horse tranquilizers.

-The Rolling Stones are up for the halftime show! Whoopeee!! If Mick Jager were to ever step down as the lead-man, we think Joe Paterno would make a great rockstar.

Stay tuned football fans...