Josh Beckett has poop stains; underwear pulled from eBay

Josh Beckett has never bloodied a sock, yet has likely muddied his undies. In this case, it was probably neither, but he decided to have his underwear yanked from eBay for other reasons.

Yankees star Alex Rodriguez's underwear brought a whopping $420 on eBay, while Red Sox stud Kevin Youkilis ' sold for a mere $305. As we told you earlier this month, Phil Castinetti of SportsWorld in Saugus put game-used unmentionables from A-Rod, Youk and Red Sox hurler Josh Beckett up for sale on the popular auction site. However, eBay had them removed once - saying Phil couldn't sell unlaundered undies - and Beckett had his agent call SportsWorld and demand that they cease and desist with his jockey shorts sale! "Josh saw it on ESPN and made a big stink," Castinetti told the Track. "But we sold the rest of the stuff."

Big stink is right. Have you ever smelled shit that wasn't dropped in a toilet? Fucking awful? We once saw a kid shit himself at the waterslide park and it was without doubt the worst thing we've ever smelled. We nearly vomited and shat at the same time, which we suppose would be a good thing for someone who's bulimic.

This non-news story, via the awesome Ben Maller, was from The Boston Herald. But we're not going to link to it because it's written by a third-grader with a mental disability. Like, seriously, what the fuck?! USE A NUT GRAF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! A bulimic dog with a mosquito's brain could've written that paragraph better.

Bulimia is not a laughing matter.