Mark Prior touched himself too much as a child...

...Or suffocated a cat in a grocery bag. One of the two. Has to be one of the two.

How else to explain that the once-heralded and dominant Prior will undergo season-ending surgery to repair his injured right shoulder? The former phenom hasn't pitched in nearly two years and has only made 57 starts since 2003. We're beginning to wonder if he'll ever pitch again.

After an 18-6 2003 campaign -- his first full season -- he was on the fast track to stardom. Then the injuries. Lots of injuries.

So he tried on his mother's Sunday dresses and put on her lipstick, right?