What Chris Douglas-Roberts' tattoo says

Once upon a time there was a boy with the initials CDR. It stood for my name, but is now more recognizable with recordable discs. You know who recorded a disc? Jay-Z. Yeah. And he married Beyoncé. Like what the fuck? She's fucking fine man. I would make sweet love to her all night long. I wonder if she likes basketball players. It's my mission in life to play in the NBA and make sweet sweet love to Beyoncé. Jay-Z would probably have me whacked, but I don't care. That ass is worth the risk. I wonder if Mike Myers and her really kissed in that Austin Powers movie. That would be weird because she's hot and he's Canadian. She was holding out for me anyway. And I'm tall and I'm going to the NBA so I totally have a chance. And I'm not Canadian. I don't think so anyway. If the Nets draft me things then might get a little fucked up. I probably shouldn't let Jay-Z read this essay on my arm. That might cause domestic problems. Detroit would also be cool. That's my home town. But Memphis would be cool too. I also fucking love nachos.