An open letter to SEC commissioner Mike Slive

Dear Commissioner Slive,

See the enclosed photo? That there is a beautiful thing. Storming the court is as important to college basketball as Psych 1 is to the curriculum.

But you're taking that away. You're taking it all away. And we want it back.

After we upset No. 1 Florida, we did what any good college hoops fans would do: we stormed the fucking court like the French did the Bastille. And the school is getting fined?!

All due respect Mr. Slive, but fuck that shit. It's one thing to rush the court when it's not appropriate, but we beat the top-ranked team. We were unranked! That's like a big, gigantic, huge upset. Mr. Slive, even you know that merits a celebration.

Yet you think storming the court leads to an unsafe environment? Ever hear of Snakes on a Plane, Mr Slive? That shit was unsafe. If you continue to keep us down, what we'll do to you will make snakes on a plane look like unicorns chasing fucking rainbows.

Is that a threat, you ask? Damn straight it's a threat, Mr. Slive. Thing is, we don't want to cause trouble. We don't want anybody to get hurt -- in fact, that's exactly the opposite of what we want.

In times of excitement and sports ecstasy, all we want to do is keep a wonderful tradition going. We want to celebrate with each other, the players...

But you have taken something from us. And we want it back. Now.

Snoochies,
The Vanderbilt Student Body