Maybe this is what we should’ve gone to war over

Ok, this story involves Iran, not Iraq (but they do border each other, geography tells us).

Anyway, turns out women can’t attend soccer games in the country. We’re not exactly sure why, as we struggled to decipher the exact job description of an Ayatollah. We’ll take a stab and say that women don’t really count as humans under Islamic law.

(The Associated Press report did not mention if dogs, weevils or Cacodemons are welcomed in the soccer stadium, but we’ll go ahead and say they are).

Men from Iran must be juiced about this decision. Guys in countries with non-sexist religions that allow females to watch sporting events, have to put up with their mothers, wives, and illegitimate children daughters yapping during the game. Our mom reads the newspaper at baseball games, which certainly beats hearing about Lindsay Lohan’s new diet (it’s called bulimia, by the way).

While Iran should get absolutely ripped for this outrageous decision (which has put our belief in the institution of religion further into question), Iranian men come out like bandits — female-free soccer games! No distractions, just soccer. And if the men need someone to hug/set fire to after a goal, there’s always the Cacodemon.

In other news: Boxer Zab Judah had his license suspended for a year after attacking fans at a Detroit Pistons game.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Adam is the sports editor at the University of Washington's The Daily. He's gonna go hump the fridge.