Yeah, so Sweet 16

This is what we have decided to do. Since there are two days of Sweet 16 action, and little else going on in the world of sports (minus a few NFL off-season moves), we're going to do a preview for today's games today, and tomorrow's games, well, tomorrow. Writer's block is creeping in, so we figure it best to spread out material when it's right there in front of us. Anyway, meaningful basketball. Cool.

Atlanta Region:

#1 Duke vs. #4 LSU:

So Duke has this guy JJ Redick. He can shoot the ball pretty well. He's white. He's a dickhole. He spoons with Josh McRoberts. LSU has this guy Glen "Big Baby" Davis. Why "Big Baby?" Well, he's fat as fuck and he looks pretty young. That'd be our guess. This Big Baby fella is pretty good though, and we think he may be able to stop Shelden Williams, who is Duke's most likable player. But we have this feeling that Redick is gonna go off (and jerk Greg Paulus off) and be the difference. Oh, and Duke's Coach Krz... is like pretty good at coaching.

The Big Picture pick: Duke

#2 Texas vs. #6 West Virginia:

West Virginia is hard to root against seeing how they are full of inbred hicks and we think those people are kinda funny. But Texas, with LaMarcus Aldridge and PJ Tucker, will give the Mountaineers a good ol' fashioned out-bred fucking and just pound them down low. WVU relies on the three and if it's not falling, this game won't be close.

The Big Picture pick: Texas

Oakland Region:

#1 Memphis vs. #13 Bradley:

We really kind of like Memphis. The Tigers have Rodney Carney who's a huge G and Darius Washington Jr. is your guy if the you need a clutch free throw. Bradley is somebody's name, we guess. Um, ok.

The Big Picture pick: Bradley...no just foolin'. Memphis, of course.

#2 UCLA vs. #3 Gonzaga:

This is hands down the best game on paper, but, as our associates tell us, a basketball game is played on a court. You're the first to know that our associates are now our former associates. Bastards. As for the game, we hate both of the teams a lot. Jordan Farmar is a cocky, Hollywood bitch. Adam Morrison is a cocky, rapist bitch. We hate these teams too much to even put into words. We're rooting for the rare, but not impossible, double-forfeit. Who's with us?

The Big Picture pick: (F)UC LA

In other news: Alfonso Soriano suited up in left field for the Washington Nationals yesterday after President Bush told him, "Play left, motherfucker, or I'm raising taxes."