We're back!

It was a long trip of sitting in the sun, watching baseball and getting happy at our free (!) Happy Hour at the Embassy Suites in the delightful town of Paradise Valley, Ariz.

Here's a rundown of what happened during our little getaway:

-Our first day in town we watched the Giants take on the Rangers in Surprise, Ariz. Why is it called Surprise, you ask? Well, our best guess is that it was just open desert before some developer came along and built a town. Then passer-byers were, well, surprised when they all of sudden saw a new town. Surprise!

-We got very good at following basketball games via internet phone because they weren't exactly keeping us updated with scores at the ballpark. This whole internet on the phone thing is really pretty cool. During the game, we were screaming at the phone, yes, the fucking phone, rooting for Chris Lofton to hit a game-winner to propel Tennessee over Winthrop not to obliterate our bracket too much. We didn't see it live, Lofton heard our cries.

-Later Thursday evening, we followed our beloved Huskies by that same phone as they beat Utah St. in opening-round action. Most people were asleep on the East Coast while we were following the score and nervously sweating like Bruce Pearl .

-At the Cubs/Giants' matinee Friday, we got an autograph by Juan Pierre. It's not really that we get off to famous people writing their fucking name on a ball, but we admire a guy who's first name is Juan and last name Pierre. It just defies all laws of heritage. C'mon, is he Latin American or is he French? Who knows? Oh, and Pierre is just about the weirdest looking dude to ever play anything, anywhere.

-This trip has taken place for the last eight years or so, and every time we go to the same damn restaurant (often twice) that is more known as a ballplayer hangout than as a place that actually serves good food. But on night number two, while waiting in the lobby for our table to be ready, who else but Cubs' reliever Scott Eyre comes through the door and starts talking with us. Eyre is no comedian, but he does has a good sense of humor and was telling us that when he gets a rare at-bat, he has absolutely zero intention of swinging. The guy is just looking to strike out and do it without looking like too much of an ass. Well Scott, we appreciated the time and the story.

-While no ballplayer blatantly told us to fuck off, Greg Maddux didn't exactly sign our ball. Prick.

-Speaking of fucking and pricks, there is some real talent in Arizona and we eyeball-fucked about 26 women over the course of the weekend and about 24 returned the favor.

-All in all, a wonderful weekend of baseball, basketball (we watched some during our very Happy Hour) and fun for the whole family. We're glad to be back and we'll start yapping about the Sweet 16 and other related news all week. Until then, enjoy the NIT.

In other news: Japan beat Cuba to win the World Baseball Classic after the United States placed an embargo to halt good Cuban pitching.