Oh yeah, football

I often see eye to eye with the Mighty MJD, but he's 6-2 -- picking just the winners (no spread). I'm 6-2 also. But our boy MJD is calling himself "awesome," while I'm going heavy on the whiskey to forget about my two wrong picks. Well, two conference championship games give me the chance for two more wins. 8-2. I'd take that. Let's dance, shall we?

Panthers at Seahawks:

I can say that I am genuinely looking forward to this game. To hear Joe Buck's voice? Certainly not. Mr. Buck will call the game as if he were staring at a brick wall. Speaking of brick walls...that must be what Buck is like in person. He's probably great conversation at a party.

Folks up here in Seattle are pretty excited about this one because the Seahawks actually have a chance to make the Super Bowl and teams in this city don't win championships much. (Unless we're talking about the WNBA and the Seattle Storm who are reigning champs [2 points for the pun!] and would just kick the shit out of the Sonics if they were to play). Also, I'd say about 95% of this fairweather city (not talking about the real weather, which, by the way, is nothing near "fair") has hopped on the Seahawks' bandwagon headed for Detroit. I'd be in the minority, in case you were wondering.

In terms of the game, you should be thinking Seahawks' offense versus Panthers defense (I think). For the 'Hawks there's this Alexander guy who won an MVP award and somehow hasn't yet been referred to as "Alexander the Great." Strange. They also have Matt Hasselbeck at quarterback who could really benefit from some Rogaine. The Panthers are banged up, which often isn't a good thing. Julius Peppers is hurt and he's this kinda ok player.

And Carolina is hurting on offense too. DeShaun Foster is out with a busted ankle he got from fighting with Ray Allen (not really, of course), so Carolina will have to turn to Nick Goings who is, well, not very good. There's been all sorts of talk this week about how Jake Delhomme is the best QB in the playoffs, which he may just be. But in the rain, cold and noise that will be present at Qwest Field, it will be tough for Delhomme and Steve Smith to do it alone.

The Big Picture pick: Seattle 24, Carolina 17


Steelers at Broncos:

There is more facial hair in this game than there is in the Red Sox dugout. Big Ben Roethlisberger is going with this hippie, shagged-out look, while Jake Plummer looks like he just raped somebody or shot a porno scene. (Or perhaps did both).

I'm trying to get in the spirit of the playoffs by growing a beard myself. My five o'clock shadow is nearing nine o'clock. Booyah!

This game is really tricky to call. I've been ragging on Big Ben a lot lately for not being a good QB, but he's making me look pretty bad (while simultaneously looking fucking terrible with those pubes on his face). His numbers have really been pretty good and they have two dudes who can run the ball down your throat and around the corner in Parker and Bettis. Their defense is relentless and Troy Polamalu puts the "G" back into the Steel City. Oh, and they have a guy named Hines and Kimo. That's just cool.

Meanwhile, Denver has been underwhelming and really only beat New England because the Pats turned it over 18 times. Their running game hasn't been as good as it should be and Jake Plummer, as stated above, may be more wrapped up in memorizing his lines for "Backdoor Mountain" than he is in trying to go to the Super Bowl.

The Big Picture pick: Pittsburgh 21, Denver 13

In other news: Turns out that after losing their ninth-straight game, the St. Louis Blues are feeling blue.